Anxiety tips

Trilogies Of A Turtle

This morning I was laying in bed, wishing I was a turtle. I want to draw my legs and arms into a small place. The darkness sounds inviting. I imagine the minimalistic life that turtle’s experience must be very calming. No matter where they go, they have everything they need. So in a sense, whenever they move, they are always moving their entire life to a different location. Can you imagine?

I’ve been reading “Cozy Minimalist Home” by Myquillyn Smith. This book can be found here. Everything about this book makes sense, as it explains everything I’m doing wrong. My world feels messy, chaotic, and overwhelming. Those are all pretty much the same adjective but you get my point. It’s early & I am drinking more creamer than coffee.

It’s very tempting to curl back up into a ball, get under the covers, and try to disappear from the world. My eyes are puffy and tired. I always make the bed though to help demolish the desire to revisit my previous horizontal position. Instead, I’m settling on chewing on my hair and feeling like a ball of anxiety. Yesterday, I gave my neighbors a lot of things I did not want in an effort to help with such anxiety. Just as the minimalist book says, I need to make my surroundings more quiet. The more items that are in a room, the louder it becomes. My surroundings are pretty much screaming at me. Along with my emotions & thoughts. So theres that.

The world is currently still social distancing. So in a way, we are all turtles inside our houses. I definitely crave protection and security which I often find myself becoming depleted of. I stay burned out from just trying to live. It’s ironic how security can actually become suffocating though if you spend too much time inside of it. Walls close in and defeat is your only friend. I guess this is God’s way of saying that we must get out and live, experience, and feel. Security is a survival mechanism that I know I overuse greatly in my life.

I Listened To An ASMR Bedtime Story

Last night, like many nights, I could not sleep even with my sleeping pill. I decided to turn to one of the very few calming things in my life. ASMR. Ever since I was young I have loved certain sound. One of my first experiences with ASMR was when I was in first grade and we took turns reading books to each other in the teacher’s rocking chair. You would think I would have enjoyed all of the readers. But there was only one main voice that l absolutely loved. This voice was of a girl that was actually very mean to me. But dam, she could relax me during story time.

It was not until I was an adult, lets just say way the hell older than 1st grade, that I stumbled upon ASMR. I realized it is actually a thing to listen to people whisper, chew gum, turn book pages, etc. Thanks to Youtube, I can listen to endless hours of these sounds. My choice for last night was, A Close Up Bedtime Reading Story Of Corduroy on Soft ASMR’s Channel. I enjoyed listening to it, as I think I loved it when I was a child. My memory is so bad from back then. My mind blocks out everything, I believe, to protect all that I do not want to remember.

If you struggle with sleeping, try ASMR Youtube videos. My favorite ASMR Artist is GraceV. Her channel can be found here. I could literally listen to her for hours and have before. You have to find your style though. What calms one person does not calm another. I love inaudible whispering which is whispering you cannot understand. It sounds weird but just try it!

Heading out. I need to make coffee. I have a therapy phone call this morning. I need that too.

COFFEE + THERAPY = GOALS

Quarantine & Theraflu

I’ve realized 2 things recently. 1. I need to go into COMPLETE quarantine. 2. I was probably having a psychotic episode when I decided it was a good idea to go to Walmart for supplies. Don’t get me wrong, we are incredibly stocked up on food. The cost of doing that though is that I’m sicker. I’ve been in “recovery” from the flu for the past month. Tonight, my fever was 99.6 which is not productive. Since then, I’ve taken Ibuprofen, Airborne Immune Booster, and have had some cough drops. Heres hoping things start reversing.

For the last two years, I have kept my Poshmark closet open. However, I realized tonight that I wanted to try closing everything. Sometimes, we experience more stress from things than we realize. My hope is that knowing I do not have to check social media, share items, or package anything will bring down my anxiety. Which I am sure would help with my sickness. My Mercari & Ebay shops have been temporarily closed as well for the same reason. Miraculously, up until this point, I have been able to get all of my orders out. It is easier said than done when you feel like you are dying from an illness.

There are a lot of things that I have to figure out. Maybe, during this time of complete seclusion, I can brainstorm some ideas about my Youtube channel, reselling, etc. Currently, I’m not sure the direction my Youtube channel is going in. I’m going to discuss this in a different blog post though because there are a lot of factors to my confusion. Reselling is also the same way. Out of everything I have ever tried, selling my own items has kept my interest the longest. I like being in control of my business, giving customer service, and finding things that others might enjoy. With that being said, selling has consumed a great part of my life. It would not be so bad if I did not have to “share” my items on Poshmark, photograph everything, list things, and package by myself. Basically, I am feeling burned out. My outlets that used to bring me peace are currently doing the opposite. So clearly, I have to figure things out.

I’ve been loving Pinterest lately. If you need to find things that are pleasing to your soul, the Pinterest app is definitely worth downloading. I would think that the average person thinks of DIY’s & recipes being on Pinterest. However, I have discovered lately that there are also a lot of self care & depression awareness type blogs on there. Tonight I read 7 Ways To Stay Grounded & Calm Amidst Social Unrest . This blog post is definitely worth a read if you are feeling major anxiety from the Corona Virus (or life in general). For some reason, lists are easier for me to read & relate to my life. My favorite tip on this list was #3. Don’t Engage In The Fear. My issue is that I am way too involved in social media. Like most people today, I don’t realize the affect it has on my emotions. When there is panic in the air, I automatically smell it. Right now, the world is full of fear, questions, and complaints. Just as Americans have been advised to practice social distancing for germs, I need to practice it for social media. I’m sure reading about Corona Virus deaths and stores selling out of supplies is making me sicker. Stress does that to me. If I am up to it tomorrow, I’m going to partake in a Pinterest DIY idea that will (hopefully) bring more calm into my life.

I’m going to end here so that I can start the brainstorming of ideas and thoughts. Hoping everyone can find the supplies they need & stay healthy during this time. Remember, others are in need too. Please do not hoard or sell your toilet paper rolls.