Tag: depression blog

Fridge Broke & Coffee Sucks

I’m about to come unglued this morning. Though I did sleep in, I planned to make breakfast when I got up. After I poured a good amount of cheese into the egg mixture, I realized something was off. The cheese just smelled too strong. As with anything I do not like, I let my husband take care of it. He did a sniff & taste test to which he decided, we better not use it. (This is coming from the man that does not want to get rid of anything.) Fuck.

I’m standing there staring down at the bowl of eggs with cheese on top that I just prepared. My husband tried to convince me it could still be eaten. That we just needed to take the pyramid of sour cheese off. For some reason, I did not share in his desire to rescue this awful breakfast. Frustrated, I dumped out that bowl and decided to restart (even now there were only 3 eggs to split between the both of us).

Our fridge has been struggling with temperature recently. However, it did not click in my mind until I started working on the second breakfast that everything had dethawed. When I took the milk out, I thankfully decided to check that too so that I did not kill us with breakfast. Once again, smelled off. Husband sniffed the milk and diagnosed it as being sour. This is when it hit me that our fridge must have literally stopped working. What is worse than a pandemic? Answer: A pandemic with no fridge.

It occurs to me that the dairy things in our fridge are going to be sour. I went on a frustrated throwing away binge of dairy products. The most saddening to let go of was my coffee creamer. While my husband is on the phone texting our landlord about the fridge, I am in the kitchen trying to make coffee with almond milk. Bless all of yall healthy people that do this on a daily basis. My Simply Southern tervis filled with coffee (and almond milk) has been sitting here staring at me for quite a while. I can’t bring myself to drink it. Even if it is in a cute cup. FML.

Thankfully, I remembered that we had waffles in the freezer. All was not lost for breakfast. I made blueberry waffles which my husband seemed to like. They would have been better with eggs but not sour eggs. -_- This all feels ultra frustrating because we are in the middle of a pandemic and dairy products are limited. Usually, you can buy one of each at the store. We are not in need of cheese, creamer, milk, and yogurt. All of which I just got done buying the other day while dressed in my medical mask at Walmart.

And it is not even 12 PM yet…..

Trilogies Of A Turtle

This morning I was laying in bed, wishing I was a turtle. I want to draw my legs and arms into a small place. The darkness sounds inviting. I imagine the minimalistic life that turtle’s experience must be very calming. No matter where they go, they have everything they need. So in a sense, whenever they move, they are always moving their entire life to a different location. Can you imagine?

I’ve been reading “Cozy Minimalist Home” by Myquillyn Smith. This book can be found here. Everything about this book makes sense, as it explains everything I’m doing wrong. My world feels messy, chaotic, and overwhelming. Those are all pretty much the same adjective but you get my point. It’s early & I am drinking more creamer than coffee.

It’s very tempting to curl back up into a ball, get under the covers, and try to disappear from the world. My eyes are puffy and tired. I always make the bed though to help demolish the desire to revisit my previous horizontal position. Instead, I’m settling on chewing on my hair and feeling like a ball of anxiety. Yesterday, I gave my neighbors a lot of things I did not want in an effort to help with such anxiety. Just as the minimalist book says, I need to make my surroundings more quiet. The more items that are in a room, the louder it becomes. My surroundings are pretty much screaming at me. Along with my emotions & thoughts. So theres that.

The world is currently still social distancing. So in a way, we are all turtles inside our houses. I definitely crave protection and security which I often find myself becoming depleted of. I stay burned out from just trying to live. It’s ironic how security can actually become suffocating though if you spend too much time inside of it. Walls close in and defeat is your only friend. I guess this is God’s way of saying that we must get out and live, experience, and feel. Security is a survival mechanism that I know I overuse greatly in my life.