Tonight, I binged on gummy bears because I don’t know who I am. I’m willing to bet that is one of the strangest acknowledgements you have ever heard. I’m building this blog (with my husband’s major assistance) and it is my job to make sure it represents me. There is always this tug between who people want me to be and whom in fact I am. I’ve always been that creature that refuses to conform. That does not sound good though when you are brainstorming your blog categories. This I know…
I’m like a chameleon in that I change my identity an alarming amount. Minus my husband & pets, I never want anything for that long. Be it careers, hobbies, crafts, goals, education, etc, I lose interest. One day I will want to be a jewelry maker. The next I’m considering my career in a thrift store. The following day I’m too exhausted to even put on jewelry to go to a thrift store. The colors I find appealing also change on a regular basis. Bright colors can bring peace or major anxiety with me, just depending on the day.
I’m like a sloth in that my movements are quite slow. Whether it is following a schedule, completing a project, or getting dressed in the morning…. I go at the pace of ice bergs. Sloths hang upside down, which is way too much effort for me. But I can tell you that I see the world upside down. I have always had a viewpoint that few could see. I’m often not even sure what it is in fact that I am seeing. Certain things in art and others call to my soul. This is always what I answer too.
So here I am, trying to figure out categories for this blog. I’m sure you can see the dilemma. How do I fit myself into a box when tomorrow I will want to be in a circle and the next a triangle? The best idea I have is to stick to the few things that are consistent with me.
Organization (I must have this in order to function)
Religion (Christianity has kept me strong through so much darkness)
Depression Awareness (Letting Others Know They Are Not Alone)
DIYs (Using My Hands To Create Visually Appealing Things)
Reselling (Selling Is Always Something I’ve Enjoyed)
Pets (without them, I would have no friends. My husband is a friend but you know what I mean…)
Books (I have a great need to be near them, hold them, and buy them from thrift stores….Notice I did not say read)
Pinterest (Because It Gives Me The Inspirational Energy To Create)
Marriage (My husband makes me a better person, supports, and loves me. That is priceless)
Minimalism (Lots of items do not make me feel at peace)
Ok so maybe that was more than a few things! I just write what is in my heart and sometimes, it surprises me. I believe it is possible to find yourself through writing, reading, creating, and loving. I’m hoping to recover myself from this blog. If you have lost yourself, know that you are not alone. Start writing out a list like I did above and erase anything that does not feel right. There are words that describe you because there is only one you. When does loss of ourselves occur? It’s hard to say. Maybe, when we are young and hurting, we lose ourselves to escape the situation. Adults may lose themselves through the act of drowning. Drowning in debt, loss, heartbreak, anger, etc. It is so important to not give up on ourselves though. Our spirits stay beautiful, even if broken. I wish you luck on finding yours again. Thank you for reading my blog and being part of my journey to find me.
farmnsunflowers.design.blog 