Life Blog

The Moving Chronicles

I lost track of how many trips my husband and I took over to the new house today. We just kept filling up the trailer and riding over there. I had a minor panic attack when at one point he was trying to do a U Turn in a daycare parking lot and got a bit stuck. His exact words were “you may have to get out and stop traffic.” In his mind, this would make it easier for him to pull the trailer out of the driveway we were in. In my mind, I could tell death was near. Despite my immense enthusiasm to jump out in front of the cars to try to stop them, he managed to get us turned around without this event.

Yesterday, I fell asleep after I got home from the thrift store. I’m truly trying to NOT go there several days a week. However, I had a friend that wanted to buy a canvas from me. We met at Goodwill and ended up shopping there for a few hours. I came across this great angry cat & coffee pitcher. It just made me want to laugh. For $2.99, I scooped it up. My friend agreed that it was great. A customer in line also requested to see the bottom of the pitcher because, she too, liked it. Nothing like showing off a “Home Goods” sticker. I will honestly sell anything that inspires me though. Dollar Store, Walmart, Home Goods, Thrift Store, Etc.

While it was fun shopping, I was zapped when I got home. Think of a bug getting smashed by a swatter & that was me. I fell asleep for a while. When I woke up, I told my husband I felt like I was a pancake that had been run over by an 18 wheeler. He thought that sounded pretty flat so he came over to make sure I still had curves haha! Over every quality (other than being Christian), I think you need to be with someone that makes you laugh. It’s so important. Laughter will be your light house when everything goes dark. And believe me, at some point, it will.

Sometimes I could swear she loves him more than me. But I refuse to believe it.

I’m hoping in this new neighborhood we are moving to that we will find some friends. Or humans to talk too. Either would be an improvement. It’s been really socially hard since leaving Charleston, SC. I’m used to a certain level of friendliness and manners that is just non existent here. Less rain is something I am also used to. The weather is like a rollercoaster, which I think plays a big role in my plummeting immune system & daily emotional state. Don’t I just sound like a fucking ray of sunshine tonight?

All in all, today has really not been too bad. I was proud of my husband for putting so much work into loading the trailer and taking us back and forth. It would be nice to think we would do the same thing tomorrow but that is setting the bar a bit high. I’ve been wishing we were extreme minimalists. Like the people who can roll their bed up and carry it on their back. What an easy move it would be if that were the situation for us. I cannot understand how I decluttered over 10 priority boxes full of crap and yet, we still have tons of decorations. I’m feeling another decor purge coming on when we move.

My husband is currently making terrifying tree shadows on our wall. It is 10 PM and he is over at his plant shelf checking on his “kids.” He was holding up one of the Japanese Maples he is trying to root and it cast a scary looking shadow on the ceiling. A few of his roses that he tried to root did not make it so he took them back outside (most likely to reuse the dirt). He is 110% boy. Dirt, sweat, bugs, or other grotesque things do not bother him. A few days ago I went almost an entire day without a shower. That is as adventurous as I get. Take away my shower and coffee and a documentary could be made on how crazy I go. I can see it on my tombstone now “she went out decaffeinated & greasy.”

I Went Outside & Zen Garden

Today, I decided to be adventurous by going outside to film my Youtube Easter Zen Garden video. I only went about 15 feet from the front door but it is a start. It felt nice outside today and I needed the sun. I’m about as tan as a piece of printer paper. I brought my camera and DIY out with me to the lawn chair. I’m doing a series of videos called Operation Hope & Heal on Youtube that I will link here. A few days ago it occurred to me that it could be a good idea to get channel creators together to make videos for those staying home due to social distancing. It’s easier said than done to rally for a cause in a way that will make noise. Thankfully, I did have a few channel creators get together and upload videos tonight. My next idea for a relaxing video for those at home is an Easter Zen Garden.

Few DIY’s are easier than making a Zen Garden. What I like about them is that you can do all different themes. Be it a beach theme or an Easter one. It is also extremely affordable to make a Zen Garden. You can find sand, rocks, fairy decorations, and other items to add to your garden at the Dollar Tree. I found my vintage bunny rabbits & swings at the thrift store. Thrift stores are great places to source items for crafts. I’m currently sourcing from my house though, considering that everything is closed from COVID-19.

I’m listening to NBC News on Youtube and I swear I almost burst a blood vessel from their mask discussion. The President is now stating that cloth masks are advised and pushing people to leave the medical masks to the professionals. While I agree with this concept, there are a lot of Americans that also need medical masks. Those with very low immune systems, like myself, need access. Also, cloth masks I believe give 3% protection (from what I’ve heard…who knows). Though that is better than nothing, it is not much. If the president is going to advise these types of masks, he needs to explain the actual protection that these masks give. I’ve considered ordering one but I do not think they are strong enough for me. Vent Over.

The Sacred Space that I made yesterday is clearly where I need to go…

My goal is to have my Easter Zen Garden video uploaded on Youtube this week. When it is uploaded, I will link it here. Jeremy and I like how it turned out. I have put it up on the coffee bar as my first Easter decoration. I’m also needing to film an Easter coffee bar decor video. I enjoy decorating the coffee bar, as I think it helps with moral. If I feel strong enough, that will get done tomorrow. My camera battery started to die on me when I was outside so I need to charge that up.

I’m going to try to make it a thing to go out and lie in the lawn chair more. I listened to the birds today, which I never do. It was interesting how different each bird sounded. I wondered if they understood each other. One sounded like me when I fuss at Jeremy. It was loud and screechy so I’m sure he would agree with my comparison. I also took time to notice and film the flowers to add to my Youtube video.

I don’t know why it is SO hard to go outside with Depression. The desire to stay in and move very little is extremely overwhelming. Everything I do feels forced and exhausting. This is why everyone that has mental illness must truly fight to survive. It’s hard. If you need validation, you have mine on that topic. The struggle is real. But I will say that when I got myself outside, it felt like a relief. It was relaxing and got me away from social media. I’m realizing more and more how destructive the media & popular apps are to our minds. While they can be a needed escape, they can also be a reason to stop functioning. It’s important that I continue moving, communicating, and expressing myself through art. Push for what is important to you. Even if it is a fight.

2 AM Thoughts & Rocking The Cat

I am sitting here thinking about how sick the world has become. Both physically & emotionally. Though I want to stay updated, the news is terrifying to watch. There is a cruise ship out there that cannot dock due to people having the COVID-19 virus on it. I read about a police officer going to the grocery store to buy food for an elderly woman who had none. People are trying to stock up on back ordered seeds, in hopes they can grow food to eat. I bet the majority of those people never thought about gardening in their life. Many, in their own way, are trying to save themselves.

Meanwhile, the rest of the population is finding it sensible to stand in long lines to get into stores. Jeremy and I tried to go to Home Depot the other day just to look at the flowers. We quickly realized the crowd of people out front was the actual line for the store. I told Jeremy no way so we turned around and went back home. I see very few people wearing protective gear. I found this to be absolutely crazy. I can be fast to judge at times. I was reminded by someone on Instagram that they actually could not find the protective gear. Sometimes I think judging helps me stay in control of my world. If I assume I understand people, then I know who the players are. I find safety in a false sense of security you could say.

My cat, Snuggs, is currently in my lap as I write this. I put him down for a minute but when he saw I had broken out the soft blanket, all bets were off. He is now horizontal on the blanket with no plans to move. Snuggs is quite comforting & warm I must say. He is one of those cats that knows what is going on. If he doesn’t, he makes it his mission to find out. As I rock my overly nosy cat, I will continue on…

It just seems like (me included) no one has any idea what to do right now. All advice is very contradictory. America has been hearing from the news that we should not hoard food. Now they are saying to stay in your homes. Home food delivery services are going on strike due to lack of protective gear & pay during this time. I would put money on it that sooner or later Walmart’s and grocery stores will also experience this problem. Seeds can only grow so fast. How is it again that we are supposed to eat?

The one piece of advice that seems to be spreading like wildfire is to wash your hands. However, if there is no soap or hand sanitizer, how does this get done? I had these grand plans of sanitizing the house daily. Now, instead, I am rationing my Clorox wipes to about 1 a day. Oh and you know those DIY’s on Pinterest for hand sanitizer? I read on the CDC website that it is not recommended to make your own hand sanitizer because there needs to be a proper amount of alcohol in it to be effective. Fuck.

I’m seeing people sewing masks for hospital workers due to the shortage. I know COVID-19 can be spread by just droplets of spit from a cough being inhaled by a person. Masks make sense right? Also found on the CDC website is the advice to not wear masks unless you have this virus. In order to find out if you have this virus, one must potentially expose themselves to it by going to the ER or Doctor to get the test. How exactly do we correctly save ourselves again?

Having to stay inside is really the least of my own personal worries. I’ve been struggling to get over the flu for what I believe is over 4 weeks now. Yesterday, my fever was 99.4. Today, it was 99.8. I’m taking vitamins, ordered more vitamins, drinking water, and trying extremely hard to not contact this virus. It is like I am in a horror movie and the monster is coming for me. I need my immune system to kick in NOW. ASAP. PRONTO. I’m afraid to go outside, talk to the neighbor, or even open the windows for too long. There are all of these un disinfected surfaces in our home that are driving me crazy. Trying to conserve cleaning products though while not physically over doing it.

My other two cats now are having issues in the house. While Snuggs looks on from his blanket, Bella is hissing her throat out at our other cat Grizzly. They are having territorial issues at almost 3 AM. I’m stressed about surviving, meanwhile they are trying to decide what portion of the house they can claim. Fun Times. I guess we can all agree that we are feeling upset. Other than Snuggs.

I’m going to end here even though I have no idea what to do other than sit and rock Snuggs. I feel like crap. I wish I could take care of others. I want to sleep. I need more water. I’m wondering if I will ever stop coughing. I have no idea why Grizzly is running through the house screeching. I’m over this. So over it. Update: Going to bed NOW. Two stink bugs decided to join me on my overhead kitchen light. One keeps buzzing around my head as if he has now claimed the computer as his territory. He can have it. Fuck.