mental illness awareness

Moving With Anxiety

Something about me is that when I start cleaning (or packing) I have a hard time stopping. There is nothing wrong with being on a roll but I take it to the extreme where I about break my back. I have to force myself to stop moving & panicking. I’m sure it is an anxiety thing. I just went and counted the number of bins & boxes that I stuffed today. There are 4 gray large bins and 12 Priority size boxes. That is way more then I thought I packed.

I did do a Starbucks run this afternoon. I was slightly worried that the baristas were going to spit in my coffee, as I arrived there 5 minutes before they closed. My coffee was accidentally made iced but they were awesome and remade it, while allowing me to keep the other one for free. My husband got a Vanilla Creme Frappachino with an iced coffee on the side. Once I arrived back with the coffee, I grabbed my book:

My Coffee & My Cat :

Snuggs is obsessed with this mustard colored knit blanket.

And headed outside to lay on the lawn chair. I’ve decided that reading outside is not so bad. It’s a way for me to get sun and yet not move at the same time. For Snuggs & I, it works. I’m almost done with my book called “That’s Mental.” After I finish that one, I will move on to the new Scott Peterson one I got the other day. And by “new” I mean Goodwill for $1. True crime is not a topic I read about much anymore but his case continues to fascinate me.

I’m going to end on the latest thing that I have created at night. For some reason, night time is when I make sporadic decisions. Normally, they consist of online purchases. As you can see above, I am the new owner of a stained glass clock from Mercari. Here are two true facts. 1. It was $9. 2. I was not even positive this morning if I in fact bought it. After double checking, I can confirm that I did.

A few nights ago, I decided to start a mental illness Instagram page. I still have my personal one at : https://www.instagram.com/farmnsunflowers . However, I decided that I wanted an additional account to just post mental illness awareness things too. Realistic, funny, and relatable type material for those of us that live isolated (I’m not referring to COVID-19)…. I’m talking about a lifestyle. I will see how it goes. If you are interested in checking out my new page & supporting my cause, click the link here: https://www.instagram.com/shelterfromherstorm . Hopefully it will help people (and myself) on hard days.

I’m off to help haul all the boxes I packed over to the new house. Thankfully, my husband is loading the trailer and driving. So I should be alive tomorrow for an update. (sarcasm)

Nightmares

Last night I had a long nightmare about trying to get away from someone. I first tried to reason with them, then console them, and then escape them. Apparently, the house caught on fire and the person that was chasing me was downstairs, while I hid in the attic. I have no knowledge of how the fire started but I know I was in a desperate state to survive. The person chasing me, ended up living. This is important to note because I am not a killer. Not even in my nightmares. Not even too that which chases me. You don’t have much control (if any) when you are asleep though. And yet, I still take these horrific visions I have personally.

What I do know is that my nightmares are tied to my past. I’m aware of who is chasing me, though I will not write their name. They don’t deserve the satisfaction that they are still somehow victimizing me. They come to me often at night, since they can’t get close during the day. Waking up from these kinds of nights is awful. My hair is a hot tangled mess. I’m exhausted beyond belief. And the morning has not even started. I actually fell back asleep after getting up this morning. Thankfully, I woke up in time to set a short alarm before my counseling appointment.

I’m so tired of running, grief, and lack of understanding. It’s hard to figure out if I isolate myself or if the world isolates itself from me. Nature and sunshine is definitely calming, when I gather the strength to be in it. It rained yesterday though so I think everything is wet out there. So is my soul. My husband is on a business call, laundry needs to be done, dishes are stacking up, things need to get packed…. fuck. I am over it. Change. Rollercoasters. And trying to figure out how to survive them both. I’ve started having chronic headaches which is fun. I’m pretty sure that my brain is trying to explode from stress.

Brain Overload & Goodwill

It is hard to describe how it feels to be me. I can describe the weather, my pets personalities, or my husbands habits. But putting energy into giving myself a definition is not something I know how to do. I can tell you that I feel overloaded. With exhaustion. With stress. With sadness. With confusion. I’ve started having regular headaches daily which has been thrilling. (NOT) When I upped my medications a few weeks ago I started to get them. After a week of trying to push through it, I gave up and went back to my normal dose. Unfortunately, the headaches did not stop. It is 3:30 PM and I want to get in the bed and lay there until tomorrow.

This is fun times considering we are moving starting tomorrow. Thankfully, last week I was able to put items into plastic containers that we got from Target. There are still things to be packed though. I would not be surprised if I just put them all into a basket and have them ride co-pilot with me over to the new house. I’m literally at that point where I don’t know what to do. Hopefully, tonight I will find strength to pack more.

Our Cocker Spaniel, Charlie, is laying on the ground wagging his little nubby tail in his sleep. It’s so dam cute. Why can’t I have dreams like that? Nightmares are all I ever have. Someone is always dying, getting hurt, tortured, I’m being chased, etc. What would a dogs version of a nightmare be? Charlie’s would probably be his inability to reach a tennis ball that he can clearly see. Like the squirrel in Ice Age, always chasing after the nut that gets away. Lucky for Charlie, he clearly found his tennis ball in today’s dream.

The book I’m reading is “That’s Mental.” It is relatable and funny, which I am enjoying. I can only read it in small doses though because it is so relatable. It’s almost as if I am reliving or being taught about mental illness. Even on my best day, that does not sound like my idea of a good time. I do think it is important though to educate myself on topics that apply to my life. Being informed helps me feel less alone. More sane if you will. That in and of itself is worth reading the book.

Goodwill has FINALLY opened back up. If that is not cause for a celebration, I do not know what is. It is refreshing just to be in an environment where I can focus on other things (that are not my emotions). Like being amongst the books. There is something magically unsaid about surrounding yourself with characters & stories. When I used to work in childcare, I learned about “redirecting” children when they are acting out as opposed to punishing. You could say that the thrift store is my redirection.

Sadly, my husband no longer enjoyed thrift shopping. We both used to get into doing it but times have changed. People’s interests change. I of all people should know that. Everyday, I seem to like a new set of things. Thankfully, thrift shopping has been pretty consistent in my life. It’s just hard not having friends to ever go with. On a daily basis, I tend to feel very alone. Most of that is my illness. Some of it is my reality. It’s hard to separate the two.

As far as what we got from the thrift store…. well….. several items. Somehow, the massive world globe for $4.99 had to come home with us. Along with a plant stand, set of galvanized angel wings (thanks to my husband finding them), brass horse, metal beaded flower, books, etc. We also stopped at a second Goodwill in SC and picked up a few more items. Currently, I can’t even remember what we got. Then today, we went back a 2nd time to one of the Goodwills. I spent under $9 on some books. Can you tell that I have a thing for buying books? When I am stressed, I want all the books. Or the true crime & advice ones anyway. My husband went outside to play on his phone while I finished looking at the books. He tries to be very patient with me but I can tell when he wants to go home.

Making a goal list may help me not go lay down. So let’s see, tonight I will pack (at least) 4 boxes. I will feed the pets. I will go get my husbands car with him that is at Firestone. I will work in my business journal some, if I can come up with some new ideas. Or anything for that matter. Ready. Set. Go! (Not) But I will do those things. Because I said I will. And strength is one of the few things I seem to always be able to reach for when in desperation. Or exhaustion. Or whatever the hell this is.

UPDATE: I did pick up my husband’s car with him (we also ran by another Goodwill…), I packed several boxes (more than 4!!), I fed all the pets, and am about to go lay down. I’m going to bring my business notebook in there with me even though I have no idea what to write. Having depression is like having rusty wheels in your brain. They literally don’t want to turn, even though they have a story to tell.

I Don’t Know Who I am

Tonight, I binged on gummy bears because I don’t know who I am. I’m willing to bet that is one of the strangest acknowledgements you have ever heard. I’m building this blog (with my husband’s major assistance) and it is my job to make sure it represents me. There is always this tug between who people want me to be and whom in fact I am. I’ve always been that creature that refuses to conform. That does not sound good though when you are brainstorming your blog categories. This I know…

I’m like a chameleon in that I change my identity an alarming amount. Minus my husband & pets, I never want anything for that long. Be it careers, hobbies, crafts, goals, education, etc, I lose interest. One day I will want to be a jewelry maker. The next I’m considering my career in a thrift store. The following day I’m too exhausted to even put on jewelry to go to a thrift store. The colors I find appealing also change on a regular basis. Bright colors can bring peace or major anxiety with me, just depending on the day.

I’m like a sloth in that my movements are quite slow. Whether it is following a schedule, completing a project, or getting dressed in the morning…. I go at the pace of ice bergs. Sloths hang upside down, which is way too much effort for me. But I can tell you that I see the world upside down. I have always had a viewpoint that few could see. I’m often not even sure what it is in fact that I am seeing. Certain things in art and others call to my soul. This is always what I answer too.

So here I am, trying to figure out categories for this blog. I’m sure you can see the dilemma. How do I fit myself into a box when tomorrow I will want to be in a circle and the next a triangle? The best idea I have is to stick to the few things that are consistent with me.

Organization (I must have this in order to function)

Religion (Christianity has kept me strong through so much darkness)

Depression Awareness (Letting Others Know They Are Not Alone)

DIYs (Using My Hands To Create Visually Appealing Things)

Reselling (Selling Is Always Something I’ve Enjoyed)

Pets (without them, I would have no friends. My husband is a friend but you know what I mean…)

Books (I have a great need to be near them, hold them, and buy them from thrift stores….Notice I did not say read)

Pinterest (Because It Gives Me The Inspirational Energy To Create)

Marriage (My husband makes me a better person, supports, and loves me. That is priceless)

Minimalism (Lots of items do not make me feel at peace)

Ok so maybe that was more than a few things! I just write what is in my heart and sometimes, it surprises me. I believe it is possible to find yourself through writing, reading, creating, and loving. I’m hoping to recover myself from this blog. If you have lost yourself, know that you are not alone. Start writing out a list like I did above and erase anything that does not feel right. There are words that describe you because there is only one you. When does loss of ourselves occur? It’s hard to say. Maybe, when we are young and hurting, we lose ourselves to escape the situation. Adults may lose themselves through the act of drowning. Drowning in debt, loss, heartbreak, anger, etc. It is so important to not give up on ourselves though. Our spirits stay beautiful, even if broken. I wish you luck on finding yours again. Thank you for reading my blog and being part of my journey to find me.

Poshmark: 8 Orders 1 NIGHT

Tonight, I feel like I should have had several cups of coffee. I’m trying to limit my caffeine intake so I survived off a few bottles of water. Fun times. I packaged up 8 Poshmark, Mercari, And Ebay Orders tonight. Currently, my Ikea bag is full to the brim with boxes & polymailers. Don’t ask me what I packaged, I’m too tired to remember. It’s a tough thing when I vent about reselling because, on the one hand, I am thankful to HAVE orders. I’ve had those days where I literally was waiting for any sign of one. Literally wanting to yell “Is anyone alive out there?” If you are a reseller, I am sure you can relate. Recently, I changed up my pricing strategy. Basically, I gave the hell up on my last strategy to profit a good amount off each item. By a good amount, I mean at least $10. Let me tell you, you could hear crickets in my closet when I tried that plan out.

I’m coming to a place where I am realizing that people want simplicity. Customers enjoy an easy to browse closet that contains a variety of items. Since Poshmark decided to hike up their prices (higher than the high rise jeans girls wear today) customers are now looking to pay bottom dollar for items. This means basically that I am screwed. Seriously. As a reseller, it cost so much money to acquire inventory when you are selling clothes. It does depend on where you live, but from what I can tell the prices are sky rocketing at all goodwills all over the country. I’m backing off from selling clothes. It’s too dam expensive to pay $4-$5 for one item that I have to hope will sell soon after. I’m now looking more into selling plush, throw pillows, home decor, coffee mugs, art, and basically anything of quality that I can get for under $3. Goodwill, I hope you are not reading this…. so help me if throw pillows go to $10 a pop.

For a while, I had categories in my closet because I thought it looked nice to split up items. I now think though that this may distract and confuse the customer because unfortunately, my category thumbnails are not always where they are supposed to be. When you share things on Poshmark, everything goes to the top. Somehow I always manage to miss a few items though, causing my closet to be a scramble of things. Tonight, the categories were deleted. I also changed my prices to nicer looking numbers. Maybe you are laughing. There are people out there though that like to see numbers like $10, $15, $20 and so on. As opposed to $6, $17, $89. The majority of items in my closet are priced between $15-$50. There are a few pieces of art that do jump higher but overall, that is the range. So far, two people have bundled a lot of items that they did not purchase. One person stated under my add that my item was from the Dollar Tree. Don’t you just love how customers love to help you advertise? -_- (That comment will go away because I flagged it.) One person on Poshmark purchased a vintage ceramic cat from me for $20. Another bought a Haagar jacket for $13 that I would never purchase again. On Mercari, my Disney Maui Plush sold for $9. His tattoos are cute but not enough for me to buy him again. I’ve had a Poshmark potential customer ask for measurements of an item. I swear, whenever that happens, people never purchase. I often wonder how people have the time to know their exact measurements. That is just me being tired and judgemental. Anyway, so far, that is what is happening. Success or no? I’m not exactly sure.

Tonight, while laying horizontally, I will make a thumbnail for this blog post. It was not a priority tonight though. Getting on the treadmill however was. In January I was SO motivated to exercise, go to the gym, and drink lots of water. What happens to people in February ? It is like I have multiple personalities when it comes to working out. This month has been very difficult and I’ve been off track daily. I’m still drinking bottled water but not as much. I need to put more energy into that because I can see how it makes me stay full. Last night I also got on the treadmill & thought I was on a roll. Tonight, a sloth looks energized compared to me. It’s 11 PM & I just don’t think walking for 30 minutes is going to happen. I will have to make sure it gets done tomorrow. I love being organized but have realized that I struggle greatly with it. When my depression gets bad, I lose track of tracking bills and keeping the office in a manageable state. My car and pocket book also start looking like I am a hoarder. I’m in a gray area right now because for a minute, I ran out of my medications. It is crazy how we can feel regular but in reality are plummeting downhill. Since getting my refill, I’m realizing that I definitely was doing that. My nightstand is stacked with unread books too. I tend to start buying lots of books when I’m feeling incredibly alone. Thankfully, the thrift store sells them cheap & will take them back as donations when I come to my senses that they are not getting read.

On that note, I am out -_- literally.

The Struggle Is Real

Currently, I’m listening to Judge Judy and avoiding blogging about budget friendly Poshmark ideas. It’s really difficult to plan out a blog in your head when your heart is somewhere else. That somewhere else is not in the land of organization. I used to avidly follow a Youtuber that had an entire channel based on cleaning. Last time I checked, she is still vacuuming away in her new all white house. It’s interesting how our perspective changes over time. I used to envy her house, success, and channel in general. I can’t even organize the stack of books on my nightstand. Like seriously, what was I thinking wanting a cleaning channel? Still today, I come down with a serious case of the “grass is greener on the other side” syndrome. It’s crazy the places our mind will take us. Being at peace, in my opinion, is the hardest state of mind to stay in. I’ve only ever reached it in a Yoga class several years ago.

I have FIVE bags of Goodwill items sitting on my office floor. I don’t even recall what is in them. Money & I have an extremely treacherous relationship. Whenever I have too much of it, meaning anything over $5, I feel an extreme need to spend it. It does not even make sense why a feeling of excitement is there, but it is. Even if it is just going to get Starbucks, it is satisfying. Though I don’t want to admit it, spending brings light to the darkness within me. It’s an escape, a drug, and a need all at the same time. This is why we should never judge others. We all have our escapes and in similar ways, they are dangerous.

To add a few positive bits, Valentines went well. My husband showed up with multicolored roses and an expensive French Eiffel Tower card he ordered from Amazon. Though he does not write often, when he does, it is always genuine & sweet. I’m not someone who feels appreciated very much. A lot of that is probably due to my mental illness, rather than it being the actual case. It always feels nice to read from him that I am. I will keep that card in my nightstand next to the Christmas one that I like to have access too. Things started going down hill though when he picked out a movie he thought I would absolutely love. It was called, P.S I Love You. He had actually seen it himself before and was assured it would be a good experience. Everything from the character’s relationship, to how death was handled, to the bar shots, to the “romantic” letters, etc, disgusted me. I wanted to rewrite the plot because it did not happen as it should have. If you could not tell already, that movie did not put me in a romantic mood at all. Actually, if we are being real, I was ready to rip up everyone’s roses halfway through it. The movie went off when I told him I could not take it anymore and that was the end of our romantic movie night. Next time, I choose the movie.

I wish I did not chew on my hair but I find myself doing it all the time. It’s an odd way to deal with anxiety. Why is it that if we move our mouths by chewing gum, food, lips, or hair, we feel life is more manageable? There are so many habits we have, as humans, that are quite strange. Women spend an ungodly amount of money on beauty products. My thing is usually sweet smelling body spray from Bath & Body Works. One fruity mist cost as much as a nice dinner. I swear that stuff makes us smell like a fruit, tropical drink, sun tan lotion, etc, for tops of 30 seconds before the scent completely vanishes. And yet, we continue to buy it. My excuse is that I buy it on sale. However, I stand by the fact that we are all completely insane.

All fingers crossed that we have found the house we want. Today, we went to see two different houses. It was funny because one my husband liked & the other one I liked. We got to go to my house first (don’t you love how I am already claiming it?). When we walked in, things smelled & looked normal. Considering our experiences lately, that is a positive. There was a music room, larger kitchen, fenced yard, gas fireplace, big tub, raised ceilings, nursery room, lots of light, double garage, and so on. This house was in a nice neighborhood towards the back, which would be safe for our pets. It also had four bedrooms which would be so beneficial with storage. Now let me tell you above the second house….

I continue to find it shocking the magic photographers can pull on these real-estate properties. The house my husband liked did look beautiful from the outside. One of the first things I noticed was that you had to drive down a very long rocky driveway, more like a road, to get to the house. The realtor said that the neighbors most likely maintained the road. The last thing I want to do is worry about caring for a drive way. My battery is already burned out. We walked up to the front of the house and almost sunk into the mud doing so. Apparently, the rain had caused the front lawn to turn marsh like. Upon doing calisthenics to get to the front door, we realized we were supposed to go in the side door. Fun Times. Once we entered the house I noticed the low ceilings. Then there was dirt smeared on many surfaces, edges, doors, etc. The fire place was located behind the sofa, which made total sense (NOT). I know my husband liked the yard, which makes sense considering he likes yard. But that was a no for me. He knows who he married & because of that he knew that house was not happening.

Anyway, after that delightful experience, we put an offer on the first house. Currently, there are no other offers on this house. We found out that the home had a small termite infestation, which does sound disgusting. But they have hired someone to treat it & we would get a termite bond with the house to make sure the problem is taken care of. The last thing I want is a termite house, believe me. I just felt like this was the right house when I considered everything though. The owners are building a house & are not ready to leave theirs yet. If we get this home, this will give us time to help move my granddad, pack us, and then move. I wish we had enough to go on a cruise and pay people to pack us. Moving is incredibly miserable & exhausting. I’m in need of an easier lifestyle, less stress, and more opportunities to meet people. It has been so long since I have had a friend to talk to that I’m about to make friends with the ceramic Pikachu bank next to me. He looks friendly.

Suffering From Burnout

Is it possible to have a spirit coffee mug? If so, I found mine at a thrift store. What is funny is that just about everything in my life operates in the low battery red zone. My phone is constantly gasping for its last breath. The gas tank in my car is always quite dehydrated too. More than that though, my emotional state can be configured into a battery with a few drips of life left.

Being an adult sucks. It really does. I am not sure what age you become an “official” adult but I know many of us had to grow up too soon. When I should have been secure & supported (at least emotionally), I had to survive. Let me tell you, this is one of the hardest strength training exercises you will ever go through. Often, I have heard or even said myself, “that made me stronger.” Did it really though? I feel like we have to say that so that we do not resort to screaming “I’m tired as all hell of this shit life is throwing at me.”

Currently, there are several challenging things happening in my life that are probably putting me in this positive mindset this morning (not). I woke up to finding out we had been outbid by three other people on a house my husband & I were trying to buy. So there goes that. I walked into the laundry room and stepped in cat vomit liquid. That always sets the day off to a good start. I’m suffering from crazy exhaustion & cramps. I’m out of space to store my Poshmark breakable items. Currently they are lined up on the floor. The sink is full of dishes, there is laundry to be folded, the bed is not made, I need to go buy a box to mail an order……I can’t even right now…. And of course, my phone is dead.

5 Things That Help Depression

I wanted to write about this topic because most days, I fight to remember what helps with my Depression. I’m familiar with isolation, low functioning, lack of organization, being triggered, and feeling defeated. On most days, I am not ok. I’m holding it together or swallowing all that pain down. If I knew a cure for mental illness, you better believe I would type my fingers off to explain it to you. But, I don’t. What I do have is a few tips that I have implemented in my life to bring comfort to my soul. I hope that they inspire you to look beyond your darkness and find a few stars.

1. Counseling. The first time I wrote this paragraph I ended up deleting everything. Being completely raw, let me just put it out there that I completely agree our insurance situation in America is fucked up. More often than not, those that want insurance, have to pay dearly for it. It is not fair, I agree. With that being said, seeking counsel is the first thing on my list that has truly helped me understand myself. From experience, I feel it is better to go to a clinic that has a sliding scale (income based) then to not go. Mental illness goes far beyond stress & sadness. It takes us to a place of darkness where we are crawling to find our way out. Counselors that are educated and experienced with mental illness can use a light to help guide us back. Trust me, everyone needs that at some point.

2. Scheduling & Organization are two things that are very challenging for me. And yet, I get extreme relief when I am able to simplify my life. This is probably a personality thing but for me, clutter and chaos make my depression worse. It makes doing basic things harder. Meaning my goals literally fly out the window, if I even opened the windows that is. Having a notebook to write down what you want to get done during the day can help. If you are a visual person, use a Hobby Lobby coupon and get yourself a large white board. Set up a command station where you can write & literally check off your tasks as you do them. I need to invest in another board to do this.

3. Exercise. You know those incredibly motivated people you see taking a jog out in the freezing cold rain? Yeah, I am not talking about their crazy asses. I mean if that is your thing, go for it. When I say exercise though, I mean doing something that makes you move. For me, it is getting on my treadmill, listening to loud music, and trying to drown out the world. Yoga has helped me in the past to be able to relax and center myself. For some, exercise may mean getting out of bed and walking out to get the mail. Don’t compare yourself to others because we never win that way. Create healthy habits that you do every day. And one day, I truly believe, it will get easier.

4. Journaling/Reading. My counselor inspired me to start a few different journals. You may be sitting there thinking, I don’t even have one. That was me as well a little while back. I was advised to start a positive, negative, and religious journal. I could write in any of the categories, at any time, as long as I separated them. The goal was to eventually need the negative journal less. Sometimes I do better with journaling than others. If I am having a good day, I tend to be able to write out positive & negative thoughts. If it is a bad one, I lack a desire to find a pen. I’m just being real. But writing helps me express a great deal of emotional weight I have enslaved myself too. I’m adding reading as well because there is nothing like being able to get away from reality. Reality is unbelievably over rated. I wish I could jump into characters life and see the world as they do. Thrift stores are great places to find books. And if you hate to read, I inspire you to try different types of books. I love true crime, biography, and conspiracy theory books. Hand me a fantasy novel and you better threaten me with shoving bamboo shoots up my nails for me to start reading.

5. Youtube Channel Videos. This last topic is one you probably did not expect. I really don’t promote social media as a main outlet for Depression. However, I have to say that having created a YouTube vlog channel for myself a few years ago was a good decision. It connected me with others who could identify with mental illness and those that also had similar interests. If you are not someone that wants to share your life, I totally get that. It may greatly help you though to search for videos on YouTube about others struggling with mental illness. You will learn quickly that you are not alone. If nothing else, I hope this gives you strength. ASMR is also a resource you can find on Youtube. If certain soft sounds like whispering, tapping, book reading, etc, relax you then look up GraceV. She brings my anxiety from a 10 to a 1. There are many ASMR channels out there so make sure you look into this.

I realize that this has been a long blog. If you have made it to this point, know that I appreciate it. If you personally cannot use this information, maybe there will come a time in your life where you can share it. If we each share resources & stories, then one day, maybe we can all beat this illness together. My heart goes out to you if you are struggling with symptoms that are overwhelming or that you do not understand. Try lots of different things and I hope at some point you can make a list of things that bring you peace. No matter what, keep fighting for the good days.

Surviving Mental Illness

The majority of my life can be described in these three title words, “Surviving Mental Illness.” There is much I do not understand about this condition but I know for a fact these things:

-There is almost non existent affordable help for those suffering from depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. Hope comes in the form of an insurance card, which so few can afford today.

-Take away someone’s hope and the only light they see is coming from the door under death.

-Society continues not to acknowledge the mental illness epidemic in America. Those who suffer only have life lines with others that are in the same boat. Everyone in this category though is sick, burned out, and fighting to breath. The boat is drowning.

-Being a YouTube Channel Creator, I know for a fact that videos on mental illness get demonetized immediately. Brands with commercials will not align themselves with others rallying to save lives. And yet, their commercials are often about changing lives. Do you see the irony?

I want to know when the world is going to wake up and realize that we live in the UNITED States. We stand on the soil of a free country and have exposure to tools (like social media) that can be used to inform, counsel, and support each other. People that commit suicide are just like you and me. They have made people smile, broken hearts, sought out peace, changed others minds, traveled to new places, lost loved ones, created art, and so much more. Can’t you find yourself in them? Acknowledge that Mental Illness is real and rally for reform. People with these illnesses, including myself, should not always have to live in the silent background of a tragedy.