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My Pets Are Not Social Distancing

Apparently, Bella is getting tired of the social distancing. She has resorted to trying to eat my bouquet of dried flowers. Bella is our cat, in case you were wondering. She also liked to eat grocery bags if given the opportunity. Need anything recycled? Just bring it on over to our cat. In all reality, we do not promote her doing any of this. She is normally caught red handed in the act. This morning I rocked my chihuahua and cat at the same time. I don’t know what it is about this red soft blanket but when I put it on me, the pets appear on top of it.

I’m now taking Mucinex & Mucinex DM which is treating my symptoms better. I’ve felt quite drugged and tired today. Daisy, my chihuahua, took a long nap with me. She is currently snoring in my lap. The older she gets, the louder she snores. I’ve downloaded the Candy Crush app to my phone. I don’t think I gain any brain cells from this game but it does keep me still. Every time I start to feel better I move around too much and end up feeling worse. It is worth mentioning that I have not listened to ANY updates on the Corona Virus today. It’s amazing how hard it is to distance yourself from social media. But it’s healing. I feel better having not a dam clue as to what is going on right now in the world.

My diet today has consisted of macaroni & cheese, Welches fruit snacks, and peanut butter crackers. And coffee. This is about all I want when I am sick. People have told me to try taking dairy out of my diet. Being Vegetarian, this is a very depressing thought. Other than vegetables, I’m unsure what would be left. That idea alone makes me want to binge on carrot cake. Hey, it has carrots right?

We are supposed to move in a month, have a stack of bills we need to pay, and pick up my car in GA. My husband had to leave it at my granddads when he went down to help move him. I’ve been too sick to retrieve it yet. I’m trying to focus on more positive things so that my mind does not fall deeper into darkness. Here are a few things….

I ordered a Zen garden from Mercari that came yesterday (I need to open it)

I’m talking to someone on Etsy about making me a banner for this blog

I rocked my chihuahua and cat today, at the same time that is.

I ordered a DIY stained glass window book from Amazon today

My counselor is calling on Friday

She made it

Tomorrow, I need to work on my Project Hope & Heal that I am doing for my Youtube channel Farm N Sunflowers. I think a few people are going to do it with me. It is a good thing to try and make a difference to others, no matter how small. I sent someone a pack of my polymailers to help her with mailing out masks to those in the medical field. She is literally hand sewing tons of them with five kids. I have crazy respect for that. Sewing needs to be added to my goal list, when all of this distancing is over.

Speaking of social distancing, I read a good article today on Pinterest called 105 Things To Do At Home During Quarantine. It is definitely worth a read. I would advice that you skip over the one that mentions getting a credit card. I absolutely do not promote credit cards, as it took me years to get out of debt. Remember the free shipping on Amazon Prime right now. You can order a really affordable book and actually get to read it (hopefully). For those of yall that are still working, I’m sure the last thing you want to do is read. Here is a guided journal that looked really good on Amazon called Zen As F*ck At Work . If I were a nurse, I would just order several to leave in the break room!

Off to go watch some Cops with my husband who has been listening to meetings all day. I think he is about to lose his dam mind being inside. We are going to have to remind ourselves that we are the lucky ones. It could be so much worse right now. I hope everyone gets well. Even more so though, I hope we appreciate more when all of this is over. Each other. Our own lives. Our World.

2 AM Thoughts & Rocking The Cat

I am sitting here thinking about how sick the world has become. Both physically & emotionally. Though I want to stay updated, the news is terrifying to watch. There is a cruise ship out there that cannot dock due to people having the COVID-19 virus on it. I read about a police officer going to the grocery store to buy food for an elderly woman who had none. People are trying to stock up on back ordered seeds, in hopes they can grow food to eat. I bet the majority of those people never thought about gardening in their life. Many, in their own way, are trying to save themselves.

Meanwhile, the rest of the population is finding it sensible to stand in long lines to get into stores. Jeremy and I tried to go to Home Depot the other day just to look at the flowers. We quickly realized the crowd of people out front was the actual line for the store. I told Jeremy no way so we turned around and went back home. I see very few people wearing protective gear. I found this to be absolutely crazy. I can be fast to judge at times. I was reminded by someone on Instagram that they actually could not find the protective gear. Sometimes I think judging helps me stay in control of my world. If I assume I understand people, then I know who the players are. I find safety in a false sense of security you could say.

My cat, Snuggs, is currently in my lap as I write this. I put him down for a minute but when he saw I had broken out the soft blanket, all bets were off. He is now horizontal on the blanket with no plans to move. Snuggs is quite comforting & warm I must say. He is one of those cats that knows what is going on. If he doesn’t, he makes it his mission to find out. As I rock my overly nosy cat, I will continue on…

It just seems like (me included) no one has any idea what to do right now. All advice is very contradictory. America has been hearing from the news that we should not hoard food. Now they are saying to stay in your homes. Home food delivery services are going on strike due to lack of protective gear & pay during this time. I would put money on it that sooner or later Walmart’s and grocery stores will also experience this problem. Seeds can only grow so fast. How is it again that we are supposed to eat?

The one piece of advice that seems to be spreading like wildfire is to wash your hands. However, if there is no soap or hand sanitizer, how does this get done? I had these grand plans of sanitizing the house daily. Now, instead, I am rationing my Clorox wipes to about 1 a day. Oh and you know those DIY’s on Pinterest for hand sanitizer? I read on the CDC website that it is not recommended to make your own hand sanitizer because there needs to be a proper amount of alcohol in it to be effective. Fuck.

I’m seeing people sewing masks for hospital workers due to the shortage. I know COVID-19 can be spread by just droplets of spit from a cough being inhaled by a person. Masks make sense right? Also found on the CDC website is the advice to not wear masks unless you have this virus. In order to find out if you have this virus, one must potentially expose themselves to it by going to the ER or Doctor to get the test. How exactly do we correctly save ourselves again?

Having to stay inside is really the least of my own personal worries. I’ve been struggling to get over the flu for what I believe is over 4 weeks now. Yesterday, my fever was 99.4. Today, it was 99.8. I’m taking vitamins, ordered more vitamins, drinking water, and trying extremely hard to not contact this virus. It is like I am in a horror movie and the monster is coming for me. I need my immune system to kick in NOW. ASAP. PRONTO. I’m afraid to go outside, talk to the neighbor, or even open the windows for too long. There are all of these un disinfected surfaces in our home that are driving me crazy. Trying to conserve cleaning products though while not physically over doing it.

My other two cats now are having issues in the house. While Snuggs looks on from his blanket, Bella is hissing her throat out at our other cat Grizzly. They are having territorial issues at almost 3 AM. I’m stressed about surviving, meanwhile they are trying to decide what portion of the house they can claim. Fun Times. I guess we can all agree that we are feeling upset. Other than Snuggs.

I’m going to end here even though I have no idea what to do other than sit and rock Snuggs. I feel like crap. I wish I could take care of others. I want to sleep. I need more water. I’m wondering if I will ever stop coughing. I have no idea why Grizzly is running through the house screeching. I’m over this. So over it. Update: Going to bed NOW. Two stink bugs decided to join me on my overhead kitchen light. One keeps buzzing around my head as if he has now claimed the computer as his territory. He can have it. Fuck.

I Listened To An ASMR Bedtime Story

Last night, like many nights, I could not sleep even with my sleeping pill. I decided to turn to one of the very few calming things in my life. ASMR. Ever since I was young I have loved certain sound. One of my first experiences with ASMR was when I was in first grade and we took turns reading books to each other in the teacher’s rocking chair. You would think I would have enjoyed all of the readers. But there was only one main voice that l absolutely loved. This voice was of a girl that was actually very mean to me. But dam, she could relax me during story time.

It was not until I was an adult, lets just say way the hell older than 1st grade, that I stumbled upon ASMR. I realized it is actually a thing to listen to people whisper, chew gum, turn book pages, etc. Thanks to Youtube, I can listen to endless hours of these sounds. My choice for last night was, A Close Up Bedtime Reading Story Of Corduroy on Soft ASMR’s Channel. I enjoyed listening to it, as I think I loved it when I was a child. My memory is so bad from back then. My mind blocks out everything, I believe, to protect all that I do not want to remember.

If you struggle with sleeping, try ASMR Youtube videos. My favorite ASMR Artist is GraceV. Her channel can be found here. I could literally listen to her for hours and have before. You have to find your style though. What calms one person does not calm another. I love inaudible whispering which is whispering you cannot understand. It sounds weird but just try it!

Heading out. I need to make coffee. I have a therapy phone call this morning. I need that too.

COFFEE + THERAPY = GOALS

Self Reflection During Isolation 3/26/2020

Self Reflection Realizations:

-I discovered I love listing to Indie Folk While Drinking Coffee

-I was reminded why it is important to always leave the window open, as I got a long awaited for response.

-I received news that would have shocked my socks off (had I had any on). Miracles do happen.

-I coughed a lot.

Watched Survivor & the pawn shop show with Jeremy

Tonight, I thank God for:

-The hope that comes with forgiveness

-The Beauty of Miracles

-People’s desire to connect & their strength to never stop looking

-Always seeing that I am struggling, and reminding me He has me

-My husband that supports & loves me.

-My pets that comfort me

Liquidating Poshmark Clothing

If you had told me a year ago that I would have to stop selling clothes, I would have been extremely confused. Back then, I could go to the Goodwill outlet and find a lot of clothes for a minimal price. The outlet didn’t smell like smoke. Quality items could be found without holes or stains. This is the main reason my hustle consisted of reselling clothes. Today, everything has changed. My Goodwill outlet is now so crowded that it is nearly impossible to find a parking spot. I can’t for the life of me find a dress or skirt there anymore. The past few times I have left with hardly any, if any at all, items to sell. Basically, reselling clothes has become so competitive and saturated that it has forced my hand to switch gears.

Now you may say, why not go to a regular Goodwill store. This is what I have been doing for the past year. I’ve exhausted myself going through rack after rack of clothes. Stains and smoke smell are present on many of the items at my local stores. If you do not have an eagle eye, you are going to miss a damage somewhere. Prices at my thrift stores have gone up. The dresses are now $5.99, pants $4.99 (I think), shirts $3.99, and shoes are $4.99. Those do not sound like large numbers. However, when you are a reseller, you know that you are going to have to invest in items before they sell. I have lately been investing $70-$100 per trip on clothing that I’m not sure if it will sell or not. It’s too much money for me to be spending when there is so much risk. It has taken me a while to come to terms with this. But, I am there now.

Yesterday, I spent a while taking down all of my clothing items from the my closet, bins, and the rack. I’m currently debating about whether or not to price them extremely cheap on Mercari in hopes of a quick sell. The local Goodwills in my area have closed down, so currently I have no where to donate these items too. It will depend on if I get inspired enough. I’ve been recovering from the flu for the past 4 weeks. I’m feeling done.

Though I am not selling clothing anymore, I will be selling home decor items. Especially vintage decor that I can find. I’ve discovered that I can purchase home decor items at a much lower price than clothing. You have to search though because a lot of decor is getting priced high these days. Something to be thankful for is that I started reselling back when I could get things really affordably. My mistakes did not cost me much debt. Anyone starting reselling today, if they don’t know what to buy, is going to have a bumpy road. I’ve trained my eye to spot damages and good deals quickly. I’ve noticed more often than not people notice what I have in my buggy. I usually get a compliment or that person who looks at me with jealousy. Truth be told, I don’t feel guilty for what I find because I know how long it took me to learn about items. I continue to learn by educating myself with reseller videos on Youtube. It’s not an easy process. Though everyone and their brother seems to be reselling right now, I know two things for a fact. In order to stick with reselling you must: 1. Truly love selling. 2. Need the money direly. If you are neither of these two things, I can save you a lot of time. Don’t resell. It can be incredibly stressful, financially it is easy to go underneath, and it will burn you out. I’m #1. I love selling. If toothbrushes sold, I would sell those. This is still my hustle.

To Hoard Or Not To Hoard?

If you asked me this question a week ago, I would say that hoarding is definitely not a good idea. As time goes on though, I’m noticing that this virus is spreading at a very fast rate. Turn on any news channel discussing this pandemic and you will be advised to stay HOME. Social distancing has become a thing. I believe I heard today that New York just went on lock down. Something I wish I did not hear is that Italy is bringing in military vehicles to cart off victims bodies. It’s terrifying. I’m finding that either people are ignorant about the reality of this virus or they are terrified of getting exposure to it. I am the latter.

My immune system is incredibly week & I’m still recovering from the flu. (I caught it about 4 weeks ago) My goal is to keep my husband & I in the house as much as absolutely possible. In order to do this though, we do need food. How is it possible to stock up on food without being considered a hoarder at this point? When this pandemic first reared its ugly head, I feel the “stocking up” consisted of binge buying sanitization items with the intention to sell them. Now that Poshmark, Mercari, and Ebay have cracked down on those trying to make a profit off these things, I believe mass survival shopping is continuing for a different reason. People are fucking afraid to leave their houses. At this point, I truly do not think it is a good idea to go to Walmart every week for groceries. The less exposure the better. So when my husband went to the store today, I texted him a list of items to get with less guilt.

We will use everything that we buy. Now is not the time to stock up on items that you plan to sit on your shelf & not use, unless starvation starts happening. I believe that people should get and use what they NEED. Meaning, if you need to stay inside the house for 3 weeks, get enough to live during those 3 weeks. My husband picked up over the counter medications, frozen foods, 1 milk, fruit, bottled water, and some other items. He lucked out and was able to purchase 1 Windex multi surface cleaning spray. I spray the house down daily to insure I’m keeping often occupied areas free of germs.

Bless my husband. He got me 2 packs of tampons. He even asked me over the phone if I needed any, as I did not have that on the list. I married a good man. He was so funny saying, you need the pink box right? The above picture is the one I texted him that I needed.

While my husband was out searching for supplies, I was at home making him a mini desk area. Due to the Corona Virus, he is working from home. I’m extremely thankful that he has a job that allows him to do that. I made sure I put plants by & on his desk because he loves gardening. I also gave him my keyboard pen holder to use & my office desk chair. The most exhausting thing about this project was trying to fit a 6 foot fold out table into this space. Let me just tell you, it did not work. I then decided to use my desk in the office that is 4 feet. This required me putting the computer on the ground to get access to the table. Then, once I had the table, I had to figure out how to get it into the living room. It would not collapse all the way for me so I had to move a shelf & the trash can to fit it through the door way. Fun times. I think it turned out quite nice. He seemed to really like it too.

When we went to run over to CVS, I realized 4 of our tulips had bloomed. It was nice to see a pop of color during this incredibly dark time. The tulips looked like they were appearing to bring peace. A reminder that the earth will go on. That all of this sadness, fear, and sickness will pass. I dedicate these tulips to the people that had their lives unfairly stolen from this devil of a disease. I have no doubt you fought hard. I truly hope you will be remembered for your beautiful life as opposed to what ended it. If you have lost a loved one, my heart completely goes out to you. There is no pain in this world greater than losing someone you held dear.

It’s very important to me to also say thank you to the grocery workers that show up, handle peoples items, and stock the shelves. You are making a huge difference to all of us. Also, a ginormous thank you to the doctors, nurses, CNAs, and other hospital employees that brave this illness in the name of caring for others. Thank you, to each person that is donating medical supplies, their time, and their prayers in order to give relief to those suffering. I’m not a political person nor do I feel that it’s essential to like the president right now. I completely acknowledge that there are a lot of things that could have been done differently. It’s important during a time of crisis though, to come together as humans. To be thankful to all those going live on social media to inform us of updates & what is being done to help the United States survive this virus. Looking at it from that angle, I thank the president, vice president, doctors, reporters, and many others that are consistently trying to inform the public about how to prepare for the Corona Virus (aka hell). I can appreciate that they are trying to bring us hope. The only way to overcome this sickness is to love & support each other through it. Period. Stay well out there!

Corona Virus Shopping

Yesterday, I made the decision to venture out to get some Corona Virus supplies. I did not want to go out but my concern was that people will buy out all the supplies and there will be none. When I looked on Amazon, a lot of hygiene products were back ordered until April. Fun Times. (I will tell you what I spent on toilet paper later…). My adventure started out in CVS. Surprisingly, I was the only one with a buggy. It was oddly quiet in not only CVS but everywhere. There were almost no cars on the road and things were silent. It was eerie. I do think that in CVS people were silently survival shopping. Customers seemed to either be holding soap or on the medication aisle. After doing some laps around the aisles, I ended up with a cart that looked like this:

Thankfully, I came to my senses and realized that spending $20 for a small Tide & buying 2 mouth washes (that will take us 2 years to use) was a bad financial investment. Also, my goal is not to hoard products. I ended up with some dish soaps, tissues, immune boosters, cough drops, anti bacterial sprays, ONE mouth wash, and a Brita pitcher. I’m surprised so many people are turning to bottled waters as opposed to buying pitchers that will filter the water from your sink. It just seems like a much better deal so I invested the $20. My total spend in CVS was a whopping $88, which was painful. However, I feel much better knowing I have some medical & antibacterial supplies in the house. When I get strong enough, I’m sanitizing every dam thing. Onto Walmart…..

They had a lot of toilet paper and paper towels left, as you can see above ha! Walmart was wiped clean of those items. Also, not in attendance were the Clorox wipes and hand sanitizers. I did not expect them to have any though after watching news reporters discuss toilet paper being the current “hot commodity” in preparation for the Corona Virus. Also, a pack of 4 Scott TP rolls were up to $60,000 on an Ebay Auction before it was shut down. I’m sure some idiot out there wanted to make the news paying that much. If people had any reasonable sense I would think they would wipe the vitamin aisle clean before they went for the toilet paper. Thankfully, this was the only aisle that looked this bare. Walmart was pretty well stocked with certain things. Bread was definitely looking scarce. My buggy, however, was not.

Some of the items that are stuffed in this cart are frozen foods, snacks, hygiene items (minus the toilet paper), canned food, bottled water, Tide, and of course 3 bags of my husband’s prized cool ranch Doritos. This was his main request when I asked him what he wanted me to buy for my Corona Virus shopping trip. He also liked the idea of canned Chef Boy pasta & meatballs. This kind was no where to be found so he will be surviving off raviolis. I hate to say that this Walmart trip Cost us around $214. The good news is that we have enough pasta to last us a long time. My buggy was crazy heavy to push & even more exhausting to load into my husbands really tiny car. After finally lugging everything inside, my stash looked like this:

Fun Times. The excitement did not end there because I had to figure out how to get the frozen items in the actual freezer. Currently, the bread is all left out because It just would not fit. My husband can deal with organizing our freezer like a game of Tetris later on to fit them in. The things I could not find at the store yesterday I realized could be found online. Just to make sure my pets were covered, I ordered 5 dry cat & dog food bags. Remembering that I needed some Theraflu K- Cups (because my current cough sounds deathly), I looked those up too. Clearly, I looked at the right time because they had some nighttime Theraflu boxes available.

I bought 2 boxes at $11.49. Notice the sellers below are selling them for $30-$40 a box! There are only EIGHT K-Cups in a box. Ridiculous. Now, the Amazon K-Cups are sold out. My hope is that people got them that can actually use them. As for Amazon, I believe that is what I bought. Make sure to check shipping times because some products are back ordered until April. Ok.. Now for the toilet paper confession…

I decided to look online for toilet paper. Apparently, on Ebay the rolls were being sold as fast as people could post them. It was the same way on Mercari. Either people’s listings were being flagged for price gouging or sold extremely quickly. Upon looking on Poshmark, I found this listing above for 24 (Total) Double Rolls. If I count the “double” part then technically I am getting 48 rolls. I have to think this way to justify the price I paid in my brain. The price was $30 plus the $7.99 shipping. And yall, though I think it is insanity to need toilet paper to survive, I did decide to buy this. The best place for my husband and I to be right now is away from these stores with tons of people. This is all the toilet paper I plan to buy until this is over. Just FYI, I will not be selling our rolls. Check Poshmark & Mercari before stopping by Ebay. On a funny note, if you are interested in some toilet paper necklaces, I did see a seller successfully selling them on Poshmark.

I must confess though that I did sell something. The picture above is of my Chihua, Daisy, in my Ikea bag ready to be shipped out with my orders (or so she thinks). It occurred to me that I had two bags full of BBW travel size hand sanitizer that I had gotten a while back. I knew that I would never go through all of that. So many people cannot find any hand sanitizer right now. I decided to try selling them in lots of 3 for $10 with $2.99 shipping. My lots sold between $8-$10 successfully. A confession I must make is that 1. I would not have gone out to buy these items with the intention to resell them during an epidemic. It would not have felt right. 2. Sometimes, no matter what, it feels icky to be a reseller. With that being said, I had more product than I needed. I sold bundles of hand sanitizer with low shipping. Did I make a profit? Yes. Did I help people? Yes. Was it taking advantage? I’m a bit on the fence. As a buyer, I’m thankful for the products people were selling on Poshmark & Mercari. Though I paid up for them, sellers gave me access to them. I understand the concept of supply & demand. I don’t understand people auctioning off a 4 pack of toilet paper rolls for the price of a new car. In my personal opinion, there is a moral gray line and that is clearly crossing it.

As exciting as this adventure was (NOT) I am completely shopped out. Today, I am going by CVS to pick up my medications that I had filled. Make sure you have refills on your medications. I would go ahead and pick up over the counter medications as well. I’m thankful to have found 2 large bottles of Ibuprofen at Walmart for about $13. I also grabbed anti acid, tums, and Benadryl yesterday at either CVS or Walmart. Everything is running together now. If I stop by Walmart again today it is for some Printer Paper & Gatorade. Hope everyone stays safe & is able to find the supplies that they need. Please try to stay in as much as possible if you are sick. Remember to SHARE. Share your items & be kind. Treat others as you yourself would want to be treated.

We Have Viruses & A Sheet Skirt

Ever Watch Survivor? Remember Rupert? The episode where he made a skirt out of literally a bed sheet.

I never thought I would feel the need to thank him for anything, but as I sit here in my sheet skirt, I’m appreciative for his creativity. I was feeling as if I was on fire so off went my pants & on went the bed sheet. My fever is 102 with 4 Ibuprofen in me. Today, I took my husband and I to Doctors Care. My husband told me it felt like someone was scooping out his eye with a spoon when he woke up. I knew it was a sure thing we were going. We both have this scratchy hot cough, chills, and are basically about to look up a DIY on how to make each others caskets. Apparently, we have a virus that can only be treated by basically waiting it out. We got prescribed cough medicine and numbing mouth wash to help. I’m waiting till last minute to take mine because I am so resistant to medications.

Of course, of all times, we would be out of ice. I literally went digging in the freezer to find a block of ice towards the bottom. I probably looked like Big Foot attacking its prey by the way I slammed the ice chunk into the corner of the freezer to break it up. I now, finally have a cup of ice water…. and a sheet skirt. If you ever have fever, seriously, get a soft bedroom flat sheet and tie it around you. I felt a lot better. Jeremy may want to try it out.

For a long time I have claimed myself to be a non judgemental person. I like the way it sounds and I absolutely hate the feeling of being judged harshly. To say I’m not judgemental though means two things: 1. I became a Saint at some point when I was in a comma. 2. I’m a hypocrite. I’m coming to a place where I am realizing that there is a time it is ok to judge and a time not too. Basically, if I can sleep at the end of the night, I’m in the clear. Without judging books could not be written, doctors could not care for patients, and there would be no compassion. Feeling is a huge part of judgement. I will admit, I’ve always felt too strongly about everything. It is my greatest asset and worst enemy.

On that note, here comes another judemental story about how the doctors office went today. A woman came into the office a while after we had been sitting there & sat across from us. We did have those blue coughing masks on to protect others from us. She asked loudly if we were protecting ourselves from the Coronavirus. My response was basically, we are sick. We have a cough. To set the story up for you, my husband and I were the only ones in the waiting room. We could clearly hear her. Yet, I think she thought she was on stage with the way she went on about the weather. This lead into telling us that we probably got sick from our kids (non existent). She explained this is how her siblings always got sick. My lack of responses were probably boring her greatly. Finally, she stood up and announced we sounded way sicker than her and that she was moving across the room. Thank God for small miracles. I typed on my phone notepad “people here are crazy” and showed it to Jeremy. To which he gave a definite nod.

I don’t think my husband and I have ever been THIS miserable together at one time. Due to germs, I bought an expensive CVS Lysol spray and sprayed down the house. Also, all the pillowcases were changed, blankets put into the laundry room, and cough drops set within reach. He turned on my humidifier in the bedroom. My hope was that we could stay apart to try to fight this sickness off. He was set up on the couch and I in the bedroom. That worked for a day and then tonight, we gave it up. Him and I were both very chilled, weak, and in need of comfort. I’m sure we are infected with the same virus so hopefully, it will not matter. If nothing else, we will probably sleep better tonight.

I’m ending here after a very sickly gray day here in Fort Mill, SC. Hopefully tomorrow will be better & brighter in a lot of ways.

Everything Is Gray

I see my past play out in other peoples lives. There is a great need within me to save myself & them from what I know is to come. This need comes in the form of a rage that I set things on fire with. It’s incredibly suffocating living in this gray area. I can’t change the past nor the future. I’m stuck drowning in this abyss of a gray area in between the two. The world has lost all of its color. I’ve never given up searching for it in art, fabrics, and photographs. Where I live, the skies are always gray. People are gray. The grass is gray. I’m sad for the world. I believe there was a time it was beautiful. One day, maybe someone will paint it again.

Poshmark: 8 Orders 1 NIGHT

Tonight, I feel like I should have had several cups of coffee. I’m trying to limit my caffeine intake so I survived off a few bottles of water. Fun times. I packaged up 8 Poshmark, Mercari, And Ebay Orders tonight. Currently, my Ikea bag is full to the brim with boxes & polymailers. Don’t ask me what I packaged, I’m too tired to remember. It’s a tough thing when I vent about reselling because, on the one hand, I am thankful to HAVE orders. I’ve had those days where I literally was waiting for any sign of one. Literally wanting to yell “Is anyone alive out there?” If you are a reseller, I am sure you can relate. Recently, I changed up my pricing strategy. Basically, I gave the hell up on my last strategy to profit a good amount off each item. By a good amount, I mean at least $10. Let me tell you, you could hear crickets in my closet when I tried that plan out.

I’m coming to a place where I am realizing that people want simplicity. Customers enjoy an easy to browse closet that contains a variety of items. Since Poshmark decided to hike up their prices (higher than the high rise jeans girls wear today) customers are now looking to pay bottom dollar for items. This means basically that I am screwed. Seriously. As a reseller, it cost so much money to acquire inventory when you are selling clothes. It does depend on where you live, but from what I can tell the prices are sky rocketing at all goodwills all over the country. I’m backing off from selling clothes. It’s too dam expensive to pay $4-$5 for one item that I have to hope will sell soon after. I’m now looking more into selling plush, throw pillows, home decor, coffee mugs, art, and basically anything of quality that I can get for under $3. Goodwill, I hope you are not reading this…. so help me if throw pillows go to $10 a pop.

For a while, I had categories in my closet because I thought it looked nice to split up items. I now think though that this may distract and confuse the customer because unfortunately, my category thumbnails are not always where they are supposed to be. When you share things on Poshmark, everything goes to the top. Somehow I always manage to miss a few items though, causing my closet to be a scramble of things. Tonight, the categories were deleted. I also changed my prices to nicer looking numbers. Maybe you are laughing. There are people out there though that like to see numbers like $10, $15, $20 and so on. As opposed to $6, $17, $89. The majority of items in my closet are priced between $15-$50. There are a few pieces of art that do jump higher but overall, that is the range. So far, two people have bundled a lot of items that they did not purchase. One person stated under my add that my item was from the Dollar Tree. Don’t you just love how customers love to help you advertise? -_- (That comment will go away because I flagged it.) One person on Poshmark purchased a vintage ceramic cat from me for $20. Another bought a Haagar jacket for $13 that I would never purchase again. On Mercari, my Disney Maui Plush sold for $9. His tattoos are cute but not enough for me to buy him again. I’ve had a Poshmark potential customer ask for measurements of an item. I swear, whenever that happens, people never purchase. I often wonder how people have the time to know their exact measurements. That is just me being tired and judgemental. Anyway, so far, that is what is happening. Success or no? I’m not exactly sure.

Tonight, while laying horizontally, I will make a thumbnail for this blog post. It was not a priority tonight though. Getting on the treadmill however was. In January I was SO motivated to exercise, go to the gym, and drink lots of water. What happens to people in February ? It is like I have multiple personalities when it comes to working out. This month has been very difficult and I’ve been off track daily. I’m still drinking bottled water but not as much. I need to put more energy into that because I can see how it makes me stay full. Last night I also got on the treadmill & thought I was on a roll. Tonight, a sloth looks energized compared to me. It’s 11 PM & I just don’t think walking for 30 minutes is going to happen. I will have to make sure it gets done tomorrow. I love being organized but have realized that I struggle greatly with it. When my depression gets bad, I lose track of tracking bills and keeping the office in a manageable state. My car and pocket book also start looking like I am a hoarder. I’m in a gray area right now because for a minute, I ran out of my medications. It is crazy how we can feel regular but in reality are plummeting downhill. Since getting my refill, I’m realizing that I definitely was doing that. My nightstand is stacked with unread books too. I tend to start buying lots of books when I’m feeling incredibly alone. Thankfully, the thrift store sells them cheap & will take them back as donations when I come to my senses that they are not getting read.

On that note, I am out -_- literally.