Covid19

Bunny Train & Boredom

I’m sitting here listening to Charlie pant. He has been panting for what feels like forever. Charlie, our Cocker Spaniel, takes his tennis balls very seriously and clearly caught quite a few of them today. My husband went outside with the dogs to decompress after work. I don’t know about him but Charlie has been successfully decompressed.

The stress of this social distancing is really beginning to set in. When I was really sick, I did not notice much of anything. Now, I’m realizing how limited the entertainment is. It’s a good sign in a way because I know it means I’m starting to feel stronger. I am trying to resist the urge to wipe everything down with Clorox wipes. Anything that is disinfectant related is nearly impossible to find right now. This did not stop me from sweeping up the dog hair in the house several times today though.

Again, I went out and laid on the lounge chair for a while. I journaled, watched Stefanie Harlowe’s true crime Youtube Channel, got attacked by pollen, and ate snacks. If you don’t know Stefanie Harlowe, you need to. She is amazing. Check her out here. The Easter coffee bar decor video finally got filmed. Not edited. But filmed. I think it turned out cute. Jeremy seemed to like it. Jeremy’s salt rock lamp that I ordered him got put together by me as well. I knew he was going to see mine and want one. When you are married, just go ahead and order two of everything.

I read some things online about the Paleo and Vegetarian diet. I’m basically just trying to figure out how to eat healthy, lose weight, and stay alive. It is really a plus if I actually like what I am eating too. It seems like most people consider diets to be very short term events. Like, once you reach your goal all bets are off. In my case, I’m trying to find a diet which I can incorporate into my daily life. That is, for the rest of my life. The answer to my problem is probably in learning to cook everything that goes into my mouth. It is such an easy thing to say and yet such a daunting task. I’m going to figure it out though. Well, Pinterest & I are together.

Thankfully, I have not heard any virus updates of any kind today. I’m taking a hiatus from CNN and any other company that is reporting the doom that our world has come too. I psychologically just can’t handle the information daily. I hate to say that anything good could come from a pandemic, such as this one. But if anything did, I think it would be that people would appreciate more in their life. I’m so tired of being fed the bullsh*t that things make us happy. Therefore, we need to buy lots of things. That is not logic in my book or my life for that matter. I’m cleansing myself of excess. When the Titanic went down, I’m sure those that only had the shirt on their back had a better chance of treading water. Remember that lady with the big fur coat? She did not exactly make it…. just saying.

Last night, Jeremy and I turned off the TV and just lit a Woodwick candle. Those are the kinds that crackle like a fireplace. I’m sure this helped my anxiety to go down. When I finish this blog I am either going to listen to rain on Alexa or ASMR on Youtube. I’m also going to try to plan out my day tomorrow to see if that helps. Obviously, I don’t have any huge momentary obligations. However, sometimes I think just having a routine can help calm me. I tried to make a Youtube Social Distancing Routine type video today. The sun was bright so I squinted through the entire thing. Bugs also dive bombed me along with pollen. Needless to say, we are just going to delete that video and pretend it never existed….

I Went Outside & Zen Garden

Today, I decided to be adventurous by going outside to film my Youtube Easter Zen Garden video. I only went about 15 feet from the front door but it is a start. It felt nice outside today and I needed the sun. I’m about as tan as a piece of printer paper. I brought my camera and DIY out with me to the lawn chair. I’m doing a series of videos called Operation Hope & Heal on Youtube that I will link here. A few days ago it occurred to me that it could be a good idea to get channel creators together to make videos for those staying home due to social distancing. It’s easier said than done to rally for a cause in a way that will make noise. Thankfully, I did have a few channel creators get together and upload videos tonight. My next idea for a relaxing video for those at home is an Easter Zen Garden.

Few DIY’s are easier than making a Zen Garden. What I like about them is that you can do all different themes. Be it a beach theme or an Easter one. It is also extremely affordable to make a Zen Garden. You can find sand, rocks, fairy decorations, and other items to add to your garden at the Dollar Tree. I found my vintage bunny rabbits & swings at the thrift store. Thrift stores are great places to source items for crafts. I’m currently sourcing from my house though, considering that everything is closed from COVID-19.

I’m listening to NBC News on Youtube and I swear I almost burst a blood vessel from their mask discussion. The President is now stating that cloth masks are advised and pushing people to leave the medical masks to the professionals. While I agree with this concept, there are a lot of Americans that also need medical masks. Those with very low immune systems, like myself, need access. Also, cloth masks I believe give 3% protection (from what I’ve heard…who knows). Though that is better than nothing, it is not much. If the president is going to advise these types of masks, he needs to explain the actual protection that these masks give. I’ve considered ordering one but I do not think they are strong enough for me. Vent Over.

The Sacred Space that I made yesterday is clearly where I need to go…

My goal is to have my Easter Zen Garden video uploaded on Youtube this week. When it is uploaded, I will link it here. Jeremy and I like how it turned out. I have put it up on the coffee bar as my first Easter decoration. I’m also needing to film an Easter coffee bar decor video. I enjoy decorating the coffee bar, as I think it helps with moral. If I feel strong enough, that will get done tomorrow. My camera battery started to die on me when I was outside so I need to charge that up.

I’m going to try to make it a thing to go out and lie in the lawn chair more. I listened to the birds today, which I never do. It was interesting how different each bird sounded. I wondered if they understood each other. One sounded like me when I fuss at Jeremy. It was loud and screechy so I’m sure he would agree with my comparison. I also took time to notice and film the flowers to add to my Youtube video.

I don’t know why it is SO hard to go outside with Depression. The desire to stay in and move very little is extremely overwhelming. Everything I do feels forced and exhausting. This is why everyone that has mental illness must truly fight to survive. It’s hard. If you need validation, you have mine on that topic. The struggle is real. But I will say that when I got myself outside, it felt like a relief. It was relaxing and got me away from social media. I’m realizing more and more how destructive the media & popular apps are to our minds. While they can be a needed escape, they can also be a reason to stop functioning. It’s important that I continue moving, communicating, and expressing myself through art. Push for what is important to you. Even if it is a fight.

My Pets Are Not Social Distancing

Apparently, Bella is getting tired of the social distancing. She has resorted to trying to eat my bouquet of dried flowers. Bella is our cat, in case you were wondering. She also liked to eat grocery bags if given the opportunity. Need anything recycled? Just bring it on over to our cat. In all reality, we do not promote her doing any of this. She is normally caught red handed in the act. This morning I rocked my chihuahua and cat at the same time. I don’t know what it is about this red soft blanket but when I put it on me, the pets appear on top of it.

I’m now taking Mucinex & Mucinex DM which is treating my symptoms better. I’ve felt quite drugged and tired today. Daisy, my chihuahua, took a long nap with me. She is currently snoring in my lap. The older she gets, the louder she snores. I’ve downloaded the Candy Crush app to my phone. I don’t think I gain any brain cells from this game but it does keep me still. Every time I start to feel better I move around too much and end up feeling worse. It is worth mentioning that I have not listened to ANY updates on the Corona Virus today. It’s amazing how hard it is to distance yourself from social media. But it’s healing. I feel better having not a dam clue as to what is going on right now in the world.

My diet today has consisted of macaroni & cheese, Welches fruit snacks, and peanut butter crackers. And coffee. This is about all I want when I am sick. People have told me to try taking dairy out of my diet. Being Vegetarian, this is a very depressing thought. Other than vegetables, I’m unsure what would be left. That idea alone makes me want to binge on carrot cake. Hey, it has carrots right?

We are supposed to move in a month, have a stack of bills we need to pay, and pick up my car in GA. My husband had to leave it at my granddads when he went down to help move him. I’ve been too sick to retrieve it yet. I’m trying to focus on more positive things so that my mind does not fall deeper into darkness. Here are a few things….

I ordered a Zen garden from Mercari that came yesterday (I need to open it)

I’m talking to someone on Etsy about making me a banner for this blog

I rocked my chihuahua and cat today, at the same time that is.

I ordered a DIY stained glass window book from Amazon today

My counselor is calling on Friday

She made it

Tomorrow, I need to work on my Project Hope & Heal that I am doing for my Youtube channel Farm N Sunflowers. I think a few people are going to do it with me. It is a good thing to try and make a difference to others, no matter how small. I sent someone a pack of my polymailers to help her with mailing out masks to those in the medical field. She is literally hand sewing tons of them with five kids. I have crazy respect for that. Sewing needs to be added to my goal list, when all of this distancing is over.

Speaking of social distancing, I read a good article today on Pinterest called 105 Things To Do At Home During Quarantine. It is definitely worth a read. I would advice that you skip over the one that mentions getting a credit card. I absolutely do not promote credit cards, as it took me years to get out of debt. Remember the free shipping on Amazon Prime right now. You can order a really affordable book and actually get to read it (hopefully). For those of yall that are still working, I’m sure the last thing you want to do is read. Here is a guided journal that looked really good on Amazon called Zen As F*ck At Work . If I were a nurse, I would just order several to leave in the break room!

Off to go watch some Cops with my husband who has been listening to meetings all day. I think he is about to lose his dam mind being inside. We are going to have to remind ourselves that we are the lucky ones. It could be so much worse right now. I hope everyone gets well. Even more so though, I hope we appreciate more when all of this is over. Each other. Our own lives. Our World.

2 AM Thoughts & Rocking The Cat

I am sitting here thinking about how sick the world has become. Both physically & emotionally. Though I want to stay updated, the news is terrifying to watch. There is a cruise ship out there that cannot dock due to people having the COVID-19 virus on it. I read about a police officer going to the grocery store to buy food for an elderly woman who had none. People are trying to stock up on back ordered seeds, in hopes they can grow food to eat. I bet the majority of those people never thought about gardening in their life. Many, in their own way, are trying to save themselves.

Meanwhile, the rest of the population is finding it sensible to stand in long lines to get into stores. Jeremy and I tried to go to Home Depot the other day just to look at the flowers. We quickly realized the crowd of people out front was the actual line for the store. I told Jeremy no way so we turned around and went back home. I see very few people wearing protective gear. I found this to be absolutely crazy. I can be fast to judge at times. I was reminded by someone on Instagram that they actually could not find the protective gear. Sometimes I think judging helps me stay in control of my world. If I assume I understand people, then I know who the players are. I find safety in a false sense of security you could say.

My cat, Snuggs, is currently in my lap as I write this. I put him down for a minute but when he saw I had broken out the soft blanket, all bets were off. He is now horizontal on the blanket with no plans to move. Snuggs is quite comforting & warm I must say. He is one of those cats that knows what is going on. If he doesn’t, he makes it his mission to find out. As I rock my overly nosy cat, I will continue on…

It just seems like (me included) no one has any idea what to do right now. All advice is very contradictory. America has been hearing from the news that we should not hoard food. Now they are saying to stay in your homes. Home food delivery services are going on strike due to lack of protective gear & pay during this time. I would put money on it that sooner or later Walmart’s and grocery stores will also experience this problem. Seeds can only grow so fast. How is it again that we are supposed to eat?

The one piece of advice that seems to be spreading like wildfire is to wash your hands. However, if there is no soap or hand sanitizer, how does this get done? I had these grand plans of sanitizing the house daily. Now, instead, I am rationing my Clorox wipes to about 1 a day. Oh and you know those DIY’s on Pinterest for hand sanitizer? I read on the CDC website that it is not recommended to make your own hand sanitizer because there needs to be a proper amount of alcohol in it to be effective. Fuck.

I’m seeing people sewing masks for hospital workers due to the shortage. I know COVID-19 can be spread by just droplets of spit from a cough being inhaled by a person. Masks make sense right? Also found on the CDC website is the advice to not wear masks unless you have this virus. In order to find out if you have this virus, one must potentially expose themselves to it by going to the ER or Doctor to get the test. How exactly do we correctly save ourselves again?

Having to stay inside is really the least of my own personal worries. I’ve been struggling to get over the flu for what I believe is over 4 weeks now. Yesterday, my fever was 99.4. Today, it was 99.8. I’m taking vitamins, ordered more vitamins, drinking water, and trying extremely hard to not contact this virus. It is like I am in a horror movie and the monster is coming for me. I need my immune system to kick in NOW. ASAP. PRONTO. I’m afraid to go outside, talk to the neighbor, or even open the windows for too long. There are all of these un disinfected surfaces in our home that are driving me crazy. Trying to conserve cleaning products though while not physically over doing it.

My other two cats now are having issues in the house. While Snuggs looks on from his blanket, Bella is hissing her throat out at our other cat Grizzly. They are having territorial issues at almost 3 AM. I’m stressed about surviving, meanwhile they are trying to decide what portion of the house they can claim. Fun Times. I guess we can all agree that we are feeling upset. Other than Snuggs.

I’m going to end here even though I have no idea what to do other than sit and rock Snuggs. I feel like crap. I wish I could take care of others. I want to sleep. I need more water. I’m wondering if I will ever stop coughing. I have no idea why Grizzly is running through the house screeching. I’m over this. So over it. Update: Going to bed NOW. Two stink bugs decided to join me on my overhead kitchen light. One keeps buzzing around my head as if he has now claimed the computer as his territory. He can have it. Fuck.

To Hoard Or Not To Hoard?

If you asked me this question a week ago, I would say that hoarding is definitely not a good idea. As time goes on though, I’m noticing that this virus is spreading at a very fast rate. Turn on any news channel discussing this pandemic and you will be advised to stay HOME. Social distancing has become a thing. I believe I heard today that New York just went on lock down. Something I wish I did not hear is that Italy is bringing in military vehicles to cart off victims bodies. It’s terrifying. I’m finding that either people are ignorant about the reality of this virus or they are terrified of getting exposure to it. I am the latter.

My immune system is incredibly week & I’m still recovering from the flu. (I caught it about 4 weeks ago) My goal is to keep my husband & I in the house as much as absolutely possible. In order to do this though, we do need food. How is it possible to stock up on food without being considered a hoarder at this point? When this pandemic first reared its ugly head, I feel the “stocking up” consisted of binge buying sanitization items with the intention to sell them. Now that Poshmark, Mercari, and Ebay have cracked down on those trying to make a profit off these things, I believe mass survival shopping is continuing for a different reason. People are fucking afraid to leave their houses. At this point, I truly do not think it is a good idea to go to Walmart every week for groceries. The less exposure the better. So when my husband went to the store today, I texted him a list of items to get with less guilt.

We will use everything that we buy. Now is not the time to stock up on items that you plan to sit on your shelf & not use, unless starvation starts happening. I believe that people should get and use what they NEED. Meaning, if you need to stay inside the house for 3 weeks, get enough to live during those 3 weeks. My husband picked up over the counter medications, frozen foods, 1 milk, fruit, bottled water, and some other items. He lucked out and was able to purchase 1 Windex multi surface cleaning spray. I spray the house down daily to insure I’m keeping often occupied areas free of germs.

Bless my husband. He got me 2 packs of tampons. He even asked me over the phone if I needed any, as I did not have that on the list. I married a good man. He was so funny saying, you need the pink box right? The above picture is the one I texted him that I needed.

While my husband was out searching for supplies, I was at home making him a mini desk area. Due to the Corona Virus, he is working from home. I’m extremely thankful that he has a job that allows him to do that. I made sure I put plants by & on his desk because he loves gardening. I also gave him my keyboard pen holder to use & my office desk chair. The most exhausting thing about this project was trying to fit a 6 foot fold out table into this space. Let me just tell you, it did not work. I then decided to use my desk in the office that is 4 feet. This required me putting the computer on the ground to get access to the table. Then, once I had the table, I had to figure out how to get it into the living room. It would not collapse all the way for me so I had to move a shelf & the trash can to fit it through the door way. Fun times. I think it turned out quite nice. He seemed to really like it too.

When we went to run over to CVS, I realized 4 of our tulips had bloomed. It was nice to see a pop of color during this incredibly dark time. The tulips looked like they were appearing to bring peace. A reminder that the earth will go on. That all of this sadness, fear, and sickness will pass. I dedicate these tulips to the people that had their lives unfairly stolen from this devil of a disease. I have no doubt you fought hard. I truly hope you will be remembered for your beautiful life as opposed to what ended it. If you have lost a loved one, my heart completely goes out to you. There is no pain in this world greater than losing someone you held dear.

It’s very important to me to also say thank you to the grocery workers that show up, handle peoples items, and stock the shelves. You are making a huge difference to all of us. Also, a ginormous thank you to the doctors, nurses, CNAs, and other hospital employees that brave this illness in the name of caring for others. Thank you, to each person that is donating medical supplies, their time, and their prayers in order to give relief to those suffering. I’m not a political person nor do I feel that it’s essential to like the president right now. I completely acknowledge that there are a lot of things that could have been done differently. It’s important during a time of crisis though, to come together as humans. To be thankful to all those going live on social media to inform us of updates & what is being done to help the United States survive this virus. Looking at it from that angle, I thank the president, vice president, doctors, reporters, and many others that are consistently trying to inform the public about how to prepare for the Corona Virus (aka hell). I can appreciate that they are trying to bring us hope. The only way to overcome this sickness is to love & support each other through it. Period. Stay well out there!