the struggle is real

Is This Real Life?

I do not know what has happened to this world or the people in it. There seems to be less inspiration & air. For those that are empowered to live life, what are you empowered by? I want the energy to find that which makes life worth living. Traveling and being with people would really be such a drastic step forward for me. I’m lonely, weak, and very sad.

We have this crazy neighbor that lives in front of us. For some reason, for the past few days she has gone on a hiatus about our cat taking a shit in her garden. She has gone so far as to ring our door bell at 9:30 PM last night to alert us of the shit, leave TWO notes today about cleaning up cat poop, and has pushed us to get a no trespassing sign on our door. I have no idea what her deal is. When I first met her, I really wished I could have liked her. She liked plants and seemed to speak her mind. With that being said, I quickly realized she was into drama & bad mouthing someone that had been kind to me. She also really crossed a line when she took a sip out of my husband’s water bottle, mentioned to me that she hoped I did not think she was flirting with him, and refused to leave me alone when we were outside.

Just so I can look back one day and realize the extent of the insanity….here are the two pictures this girl left for us today.

I’m so done. I hate people here. Obviously, I do care if my cat is vandalizing someones property. However, he is using the bathroom in the dirt. There are also a lot of other cats in the neighborhood that live mostly outside. My husband has given her permission to squirt our cat with a squirt bottle if she sees him using the restroom in her plants. She refused to do this. I don’t even think she has proof that it is our cat (or just our cat). Anyway, my husband and I now have a gigantic “No Trespassing” sign on our front door. Hopefully, she gets the dam picture and stops coming to our house.

My anxiety is at such a level today. It’s like, I want to go and walk around my neighborhood. But I’m afraid to be around my neighbor. It makes me think of Mr. Rogers Song “It’s A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood.” There is a part where he said “Will you be my neighbor?” Why, yes Mr. Rogers, I would be happy too. Please come take this neighbors crazy ass away and move on in with your fish. In all reality, I did love the show called Mr. Rogers growing up.

He always picked out a new sweater, fed the fish, and talked to puppets. Life was simple, predictable, and kind. What a world it would be. Maybe he stayed in his house all the time because his neighborhood was crazy as all hell too.

Ok, I am done ranting for right now. I just needed to get all of this off my chest. This is actually the second time. The first was when I wrote in my counseling journal about all of this. Clearly, I still had a lot more to say. I have orders that I need to package up but my head is hurting. I’m tempted to go hide underneath the blanket & never come out.

Socializing

Tonight, my husband and I walked around the neighborhood twice. I remember a church service a while back that talked about meeting your neighbors. The sermon had recommended to try just sitting on the porch too potentially meet someone. I’m not a porch sitter, personally. Normally, when you sit on your porch, you stare at the house across from you. The exception is, if it rains or if there are cops at your neighbors house, then there is some entertainment. Anyway, we passed by our normal group of neighbors at the end of the road. I always make an emotionally painful effort to walk down to the end of the street, so that we can make contact with them.

The man under the umbrella informed us that the garbage truck had not taken our garbage can. Can I just insert the very real fact that I never want to get to a place in life where I pay attention to my neighbors trash cans. Though nice, I really wish this man would take up a dam hobby. We had a short conversation about being quite aware that our garbage can did not get picked up….because umm… yeah we did not put it out on time. This ended with a “have a nice night” as it always does. One of the other ladies that is a friend of the man under the umbrella is not someone I have associated with. Without going into detail, my intrigue of getting to know her is right up there with shoving bamboo shoots up my fingernails. I did make an effort to compliment her on one of her plants in the front yard. Quickly, I was reminded why I keep my dam mouth shut a lot. This turned into an extremely long conversation about the plant, her other plants, the sun, an old pear tree of hers that gets wasps in the summer, etc. Meanwhile, her daughter backed up in the driveway in her pink convertible electric car. Equipped with front and back lights. Did I mention, she looks like she is 4 years old. I’m done… stick a fork in me… I’m done.

Give me cats & dogs any day over the quality of people that I have been meeting lately. Grizzly, my orange cat, makes me laugh. Snuggs, my grey cat, gives me comfort. Dahlia, my black cat, brings me peace (and occasionally a small dead animal). Bella, my brown cat, keeps me on a schedule by vocalizing everything she needs. Daisy, my chihuahua, loves and accepts me unconditionally. Charlie, my cocker spaniel, reminds me to rest & makes me feel protected.

Neighbors on the other hand? Uppity as all hell. They cause my anxiety to sky rocket. How is this adding to my life? Life is supposed to be our greatest commodity. I’m not wasting it by pretending I want to smoke, drink, and gossip with people. No thanks. I just not have met the right kind of people for me. Everyone has their type that they enjoy being around.

I did meet a girl on our walk tonight. We had talked briefly to her on our walk the other day when we complimented her on her flower pots. Tonight, she was throwing something away and actually came out to meet our dogs. She said she did not even had dogs, which gave her extra points for being comfortable with meeting other dogs. I noticed her tattoos and that she had kind eyes. She said that she was often on her front porch hanging out and that we could come by any time. So far, this has been the most promising lead. She also mentioned that it took her 9 months before anyone in our neighborhood even said hey to her. I loved that because it was real. This lead me to telling her that though my husband had, I had not made any friends either. If nothing else, at least we have that in common.

Currently drinking my 100th glass of ice water with lemon. Maybe I am being dramatic, but I think I have far surpassed the 8 cups of recommended water a day. Meeting that goal used to feel so incredibly hard. I’ve realized that if you completely take out soda and limit juice by watering it down, you will drink a shit ton more water. I even make an effort to get water from restaurants when we eat out. Don’t ask me about my coffee consumption though if you are not ready to hear the answer. I realistically spend way to much on overpriced coffee. It’s not even that I am addicted to the drink. It’s the coffee house atmosphere, it’s the comfort in a cup, it’s the thought that drinking it helps me deal with life. Basically, Starbucks is one of the few outside experiences I allow myself to have. Hopefully, the water washes all the caffeine out.

Moments My Profession Sucks

An early memory I have is of pretending to have an art gallery when I was a child. Apparently, I was Picasso. I decided to charge large amounts for my “paintings.” Let’s put it this way, I’m sure they looked abstract. I’m also sure that no one could afford them. If I am giving credit where credit is due, I think my mom was able to buy one. I’ve always had a thing for starting businesses and selling items. There are aspects about being a reseller that are quite appealing. Being able to work from home and not have to see the human race is a huge plus for me. However, sourcing for items is an entirely different story. FINDING things to sell is harder than paying hard earned cash for them.

After counseling today, my husband and I went to a Goodwill that used to be our favorite. There are always those people that look like they are “resting” in the for sale chairs area. Let me assure you, at the sign of electronics or tools, they will pounce. I’ve been noticing a lot of thrift stores lately are cleared out. People (including myself) walk up and down the aisles, looking lost as fuck. When really, we can’t find a dam thing worth buying. I almost bought a damaged item today. That is how hard up I was.

Being a reseller is about being competitive. Unfortunately, this quality does not always mix well with reasoning. Over a lot (like 2 years) of time, I’ve learned to not impulse buy like I used too. However, if I see something I want, beware. I may find myself doing a flying leap over your head. Not really, but I can be quick if I need to be. Again though, there is no need to be quick when there is nothing to buy. Customers have gotten to where they literally grab things off the shelves as soon as items are placed on them. I mean, I have never done that (complete sarcasm).

It’s impossible to write about this topic without mentioning the frustration of when I, myself, actually need something. Today, I was one person away from getting a baby mobile that I would have put in our nursery to save. Those things are ridiculously expensive. The lady that got to it put it right in her buggy, found a corner, and looked the item up on her phone. Again, I’ve done this. I just find it amusing how when you are the “shopper” and not the “seller,” you see things entirely differently. Every time I want to get upset at resellers though I have to remind myself that..umm…I’m a reseller.

Reselling is one of the few professions out there that is quiet. Even when people source, rarely do they speak or make eye contact with each other. It’s crazy how we know who is sourcing and who is our competition. Poshmark and Mercari commercials on TV always look so friendly & warm. Not to mention, these companies make reselling look like a breeze. “Open your closet and make tons of money” type thing. Rigghhhhhttt ….

NOPE

Nice Try.

These commercials are fishing for people by feeding them the dream. If you cannot overcome burn out, low-no pay weeks, unfriendly “employees,” and a whole lot of other shit, don’t even try this. Seriously. RUN.

I did get this fabulous sloth sticker to put on my car. Apparently, it is a passenger sloth. I just hope no one sees it and wrecks looking at it. My husband brought it over to me, thinking I would be like hahaha NO. But sloths are my spirit animal. Therefore, for 99 cents, I had too. I also found this Vera Bradley baby book for 99 cents. I did not even know that she made anything other than those quilted purses. Figured it was worth a shot. Jeremy got a Mickey Mouse plant watering can for 99 cents as well. Before heading out I also found a nautical looking dress for $5.99 & a B&BW Watermelon foam soap for $1.99.

One sale today. My Mickey Mouse 3 XL top that I got the other day for $2.99 sold for $20. I’m trying to build back up my inventory. As you can see from this blog, it is quite challenging. Closing here though. Off to go eat some Taco Salad & binge on Strawberry Mochi. (Kidding. A pack of 6 is $5.99!!) -_-

Does It Ever End?

Tonight, I’m feeling so burned out. I get like that when I can’t get ahead of cleaning (of life). There is a tomato here, laptop there, blanket unfolded, etc. Our cocker spaniel, Charlie, had a hard day today as well. He loved catching tennis balls off of our porch. We did not realize though that he has been scraping his nails down. One of his back nails were clearly quicked when he came back from catching a ball yesterday. What has worked best to stop the bleeding is flour. Which of course, we had no where in our house. Thankfully one of our neighbors, the man under the umbrella, came to our rescue with a bag of flour. I greatly appreciate that. Of course though, tonight Charlie managed to itch his side and unplug his flour packed toenails. Once again, we did the flour packing, with the addition of a sock on his back leg. After his sock, he got a Trazodone pill that he started today for anxiety. I’m sure he’s in bed, chill as hell, while I’m sweating with an anxiety attack.

It did not help that our Swiffer wet jet decided to be out of soap AND batteries, after Charlies nail event. Talk about needing to scrub the floors down. I ended up using two Clorox wipes and sticking them to the end of the Swiffer. I would not recommend this solution to clean up a murder scene (kidding) but for his bloody toenail it did ok.

Currently, I’m listening to one of my favorite vloggers on Youtube. She does Dollar Tree hauls and crafts. I normally watch the items she hauls from the Dollar Tree. A long time ago, I used to be that girl that watched the video and had to rush out to get the product. As I have gotten older, I’ve realized how much insane anxiety buying items I did not use caused me. It sounds like logic right? But shopping can actually become an addiction. I’m currently struggling with a thrift shopping addiction. Thankfully, at least the Dollar Tree one is gone. If you need to get inspired to STOP shopping, I highly recommend moving. I’m not kidding. Try moving all of those items you have stored away in totes, boxes, bins, etc. If it does not become epically clear after you have relocated all of your spontaneous buys to a new location that you need to stop shopping so much, I don’t know what to tell you. It was a HUGE wake up call for me.

Jeremy and I went out to grab Charlie’s anxiety med earlier today from the vet. We then went to grab lunch and ate outside. Though Corona is definitely going around, there is something I find about eating outside to be safer. Or at least more refreshing than sitting in a restaurant with (potentially sick) people. We also stopped by a thrift store that supports the SPCA in our area. It’s nice how everyone that works there is a volunteer. It was crazy crowded inside this shop though. I managed to find a few items that I wanted to leave with. One was this pretty bohemian looking nursery sign with mountains & stars. Another was a whimsical looking cross stitch. And let’s see..there was: a cow coffee mug, two dog coffee mugs, 2 jean shorts, an elephant lovey, and several concert tees. The tees were like 3 for 25 cents! I literally paid 50 cents for 6 shirts. THAT is my kind of sale. I left there paying $20 and feeling good about what I found.

We stopped by my favorite Goodwill today as well. This is the one where I usually have the most luck sourcing for Poshmark. Lately though, it has been slim pickins everywhere. Thankfully, the whole waiting in a line to get in the store thing seems to have died down. Jeremy does not enjoy thrift shopping like he used too. He gets a gold star for patience though. I just unfortunately always feel rushed when I am sourcing with him because I can tell he’s over it. What I found from this Goodwill though was: 2 boho pillow covers, 1 high chair (that we are keeping), 1 owl baby blanket, some baby clothes, 1 wooden elephant, some t shirts for me, a new game bowl for Charlie, 1 game…and that is all I can recall right now.

Jeremy was cool with me stopping by the Goodwill on the way back home which was also really nice of him. I fuss at him but I married a good man. I ended up finding two matching comforters with pillowcases (for the spare bedroom), 1 new rug (for the nursery), a few plushes, 1 BBW Pineapple Fluff candle, 1 vibrating baby chair, 1 pack of diapers, a few hats (NASA & Hawaii), a pair of shorts for Jeremy, and I think that is about it. I picked out a few pots for Jeremy. It is funny how the whole house could go up and smoke and he probably would not notice. However, when it comes to his flower pots, attention to detail is critical. And the flower pots I found did not make the cut.

When we came back home we had sweet potato fries and black been burgers. We also discovered this British Shark Tank show on Youtube that we enjoy watching. It’s amazing the things that people come up with. I will always be confused by the fact that our nation is struggling with mental illness reform, while someone out there has already invented (and sold) a cat brush that looks like a tongue. Yes, you heard me right, You stick the brush in your mouth and lick your cat with it. I can’t…. though my orange velcro cat would be all about it.

My Probiotics came in the mail yesterday. Thank goodness because I felt like I was about to die from combustion. Already, my stomach swelling has gone down and the gas pressure feels a lot better. There was some discomfort today & a little burning but NOTHING like I was experiencing before. Believe it or not, the man under the umbrellas wife was also the one to loan me a heating pad. It was really a life saver when I was having so much stomach pain. I’ve only taken 2 probiotic pills so far. But, it is encouraging that there is a difference.

Do you remember “The Fox And The Hound” Disney movie from the 90’s? Well, the hound escaped from that movie and has been adopted next door to us. There is this hound dog that has these long yodeling howls. They go on FOREVER when he is in his backyard. I told my husband that if he keeps going at it, he will need some Halls lozenges.

I’m going to end here. This was a long blog tonight. Like the hound dog, I had a lot to say. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be feeling stronger. Oh, I got my new (actually $38 Mercari purchase) camera in today. Fingers & toes crossed that it at least records clear enough to edit a video sometime next week. That is the goal for next week. Get 1 Youtube video up. Just ONE. If you suffer from Depression, focus on 1. Seriously, do not overwhelm yourself or it will not happen (at least not for me).

So That Was Interesting

The night ended with three police cars outside the house. Thankfully, not our house. Our neighbor across the street had a great deal of attention directed towards her house. We walked Charlie & Daisy outside and tried to figure out what was happening. The man under the umbrella and his crew did not know what had happened. My husband headed over there a while ago to drink a beer with them and get the scoop. I’m sure I will write more on that later.

I’m now reading “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. I had heard of this book before but happiness and I have never had much in common. However, I came across this book at Goodwill the other day and felt intrigued to try it. Turns out, it is an inspirational read. This may be a book that I read twice, just to take notes on how to enhance my life. “The Happiness Project” is written well and each chapter represents a different month. It’s a true story about Gretchen’s journey to create more happiness in her life. Had these pages been centered around just thinking positive, I can assure you that I would donate it back quickly. However, she incorporates a variety of strategies into her every day life that actually make sense. Example: Getting more rest, Decluttering, Focusing On Her Marriage, etc. Needless to say, I think I will get some tips from this book.

Yesterday, Jeremy brought inside a yellow rose and put it in my hair. He then proceeded to try to take a picture of me with his phone camera. Two things happened. 1. I almost went blind from his 10 second flash. 2. I looked drunk and stoned as hell (which I was not). I love my husband but his pictures of me are usually the opposite of flattering. After he got done with my photo shoot, I took my camera and snapped this above picture. I’m not saying it is great by any means. But if you compared it to the ones he took, it is quite good.

I can’t close without mentioning that they found Tylee Ryan and JJ Vallow. I’ve been following the disappearance & search for them for a long time. It broke my heart when I learned that their bodies were discovered in graves in Chad Daybell’s back yard. I’ve held out hope that their mom hid them with the Amish community or something. What is wrong with people? Every day more lives are lost, Covid victims rise, rallies destroy, etc. People keep saying that they are living in a time that will go down in history. I’m not sure that this is something to be proud of, considering how we are going down.

My skin decided today that it is allergic to the sun. I’ve always thought my skin was oily. Yet, my arms look alligatorish. That is not even a word but it is appropriate for this moment. I’m going to go lather up with cream. This morning my husband and I had some toast with butter & strawberry jelly in the backyard. There was a nice breeze so we sat outside with the dogs. I’m sure my skin got the sun exposure from breakfast. I like this neighborhood more though than our last one. Minus the whole 3 cop cars across the street thing.

Trauma Recovery

If you are in trauma recovery, my heart goes out to you. I’m in the process of going through it and dam, does it challenge me mentally & physically & financially. It’s hard remembering moments that hurt me, people that left, etc. There is absolutely nothing about discussing those topics that is easy. I also do not think I would ever get to a point where I was “ready” to go there. I’ve realized that healing goes hand in hand with bravery. We must be willing to face topics that have affected us our entire lives. Basically, trauma recovery for me is excavating a lot of pain that I have buried within myself.

After going to counseling, I went to Goodwill and spent some money. I tend to escape from being overwhelmed by going shopping. Today, I found a $4.99 chair & ottoman. Both were in well loved condition. Even though the chair did not appeal to me, I did not think it was a bad price for the ottoman. I learned today that 1 ottoman will take up your entire buggy. Another discovery I made was a three level train station toy. Normally, I would not purchase something like that because it is for older kids. But this one was well made, condensed size, and pretty adorable. This toy was $4.99 too. I just looked it up on Google and found it selling on Ebay for $79.99. #score

I picked up a few other smaller items like a candle scented “winter” and a metal candle holder. There were a few baby outfits & a jacket that I decided on. It is really challenging to know what to get. Especially, if you do not know if you are going to be adopting a girl or boy. But I do know this, the price is good.

The resellers were definitely out today (myself included). I did not buy anything to sell though. Mainly, I was shopping to bring my anxiety down. Of course, those other customers may have been doing the same thing. It is just interesting to listen to people and watch what they fill their buggy with. There is this friendly competitiveness amongst that is head scratching. On the one hand, I hear women cheerful as all hell talking to each other while they shop. On the other, I get the sense that they are ready to take out their box cutter and slit throats if an item comes out that they want.

When I got home, I was absolutely starving. After making vegetable noodles (and only eating the noodles), I headed straight for the peanut butter cookies. I’m literally holding myself back from eating all of them. I picked out 1 cookie. It was the largest one in the box but hey, it still counts as one right. It was really good. But after my husband, Chihuahua, Cocker Spaniel, and two cats had a bite..the cookie was no longer quite as large. If you want to eat less calories get a husband & lots of pets. That should do the trick.

I’m now going to listen to Stephanie Harlowe’s new True Crime youtube video. She did an update on the Madeleine McCann case. It is mind blowing to think that they still do not know what happened to that little girl. Even more shocking that her parents would leave her in a rental, with the door unlocked, while they went out to eat with friends. My husband just scared the crap out of me. He cleared his throat in hopes of not startling me. That effort alone scared me. I’m about the most on edge person you will probably ever meet. He is sweet though and tickled me with his scruffy beard kisses.

Going to end here. Hopefully I will find the strength to walk the dogs later tonight. That, or go lie down underneath the blanket and never return. The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe sounds so appealing right now. Who would not want to just climb into their closet and step out into an entirely different world. Especially one with talking beavers. I think there were beavers. On that note…..goodnight.

Epic Fail Day & It Is Almost Over

I feel comatose. I’m not exactly sure the definition of that word but it sounds like my state of mind. Physically & emotionally, I am exhausted. The good news is, we have almost completely moved into the new house. I told my husband that we would qualify to be on the show “Hoarders” due to the massive quantity of crap (aka excessive decorations) we have everywhere. My garage sale pile is growing at a fast rate, thankfully.

This morning was eventful. I decided it would be a good idea to bring a plant stand into the kitchen. I needed something to put our Snake plant on. Well, the Snake plant stayed on the stand for maybe 30 seconds before it tipped over and shattered on the ground. There is nothing like seeing a massive pile of dirt & broken pottery in the middle of the kitchen. My husband came to the rescue but ended up clogging up the vacuum with styrofoam balls. Who knows how those got in the dirt pile. Our Cocker Spaniel, Charlie, at least once completely walked through the dirt mound. After locating the dust pan (it has been missing for days), we were able to get the dirt pile situation under control. Did I mention that our trash can has still not been delivered to our new house yet. Fun times.

Today honestly was a bit of an epic fail. We went to a gas station to grab a drink and happened to notice they had a hot bar of food. The first item that stood out was beans & rice. It looked questionable, but I figured it would be good protein. I got a side of that and some macaroni & cheese. With being a Vegetarian, the struggle is real. It is hard to find options when you are out. EVERYTHING seems to have meat in the ingredients. Anyway, by the time I got to the car and tasted the beans & rice I realized it was cooked with chicken broth. FML. The macaroni & cheese tasted like something I could not completely identify. Both ended up in the trash.

After the lunch attempt, we went on to Ollie’s. Or should I say, past Ollie’s. My husband asked me if I wanted to go there and I could not decide before we had passed it. He eventually found somewhere to make a U Turn. Ollie’s was having a pot sale. As in, plant pots. This definitely excited my husband, as he loves planting things. He kept asking me about really huge pots that were dark colors. Our styles are just different sometimes. I learned these things in Ollie’s:

Buggies (shopping carts) can only hold about 4 medium pots
Apparently, everyone in SC is gardening
For the first time, I felt I was in competition over flower pots
Deciding on which flower pots I should choose was equivalent to deciding how I want to die. (aka hard as hell)

I started with the idea to get nautical colored pots. I had these large white fish ones and this blue & white one. However, the colors did not seem right so I switched them out for multi colored fish pots. Then I decided to switch out the fish pots for a bird pot. From there I had to decide if I wanted any mini pots to go along with them. All while trying to remind myself what my husband was going to be planting in them for me. Getting caught up in buying an item because it is “cute” is a dangerous thing. Most women get caught in that web. After my husband had checked on me twice and I was still deciding, he started laughing. He had already found his pots and done a lap around the store. You know my husband was bored when he comes back with a pack of new tooth brushes. Logic aside, I finally decided on three bohemian looking pots. This was after stress, sweating, and dare I say panic. Pot panic that is.

After the Ollie’s adventure and spending almost $100 on pots… we headed over to Costco. Costco is supposed to save people money. And yet, I guarantee the majority come out spending more. They have a huge selection of items that appeal to women, men, and children. Everything from flat screens, beach chairs, garden plants, etc. We came out of there spending $87. It is crazy to look at your total and then see what you have in your buggy. A few of the things we grabbed were some milk, bananas, snacks, frozen stir fry, cereal, and cat food. It is fucking expensive to live.

Oh, on top of the shopping bill, my skin in Costco decided it wanted to have an allergic reaction. I was wearing a sleeveless top with some embroidery at the top. This embroidery has never bothered me before. In the store I started to feel itchy, as if my skin wanted to high tale it off my body. That is never a good sign. We looked for a shirt we could buy so that I could take the one I had on, off. Unfortunately, there were none. Even though my husband had been driving all day he drove us home, which I greatly appreciated. I could not get out of that shirt & bra fast enough when I got home.

My husband, dogs, and I am sure at least 2 cats are asleep in the bed we have downstairs. We are supposed to make 1-2 more trips over to the old house to get what is left. I’m thinking at this point, that may be happening tomorrow. I’m about to go feed the pets, let them out, and then probably lay down. I just wanted to write an update before I did that. It has been a crazy few weeks that is for sure. I’m relieved we chose this house. The yard is large & fenced, the front door actually stays closed (don’t ask), the tubs are made large enough for a human body, and there are extra rooms. Once we complete our move from the old house, I think we will feel a lot better.

The Moving Chronicles

I lost track of how many trips my husband and I took over to the new house today. We just kept filling up the trailer and riding over there. I had a minor panic attack when at one point he was trying to do a U Turn in a daycare parking lot and got a bit stuck. His exact words were “you may have to get out and stop traffic.” In his mind, this would make it easier for him to pull the trailer out of the driveway we were in. In my mind, I could tell death was near. Despite my immense enthusiasm to jump out in front of the cars to try to stop them, he managed to get us turned around without this event.

Yesterday, I fell asleep after I got home from the thrift store. I’m truly trying to NOT go there several days a week. However, I had a friend that wanted to buy a canvas from me. We met at Goodwill and ended up shopping there for a few hours. I came across this great angry cat & coffee pitcher. It just made me want to laugh. For $2.99, I scooped it up. My friend agreed that it was great. A customer in line also requested to see the bottom of the pitcher because, she too, liked it. Nothing like showing off a “Home Goods” sticker. I will honestly sell anything that inspires me though. Dollar Store, Walmart, Home Goods, Thrift Store, Etc.

While it was fun shopping, I was zapped when I got home. Think of a bug getting smashed by a swatter & that was me. I fell asleep for a while. When I woke up, I told my husband I felt like I was a pancake that had been run over by an 18 wheeler. He thought that sounded pretty flat so he came over to make sure I still had curves haha! Over every quality (other than being Christian), I think you need to be with someone that makes you laugh. It’s so important. Laughter will be your light house when everything goes dark. And believe me, at some point, it will.

Sometimes I could swear she loves him more than me. But I refuse to believe it.

I’m hoping in this new neighborhood we are moving to that we will find some friends. Or humans to talk too. Either would be an improvement. It’s been really socially hard since leaving Charleston, SC. I’m used to a certain level of friendliness and manners that is just non existent here. Less rain is something I am also used to. The weather is like a rollercoaster, which I think plays a big role in my plummeting immune system & daily emotional state. Don’t I just sound like a fucking ray of sunshine tonight?

All in all, today has really not been too bad. I was proud of my husband for putting so much work into loading the trailer and taking us back and forth. It would be nice to think we would do the same thing tomorrow but that is setting the bar a bit high. I’ve been wishing we were extreme minimalists. Like the people who can roll their bed up and carry it on their back. What an easy move it would be if that were the situation for us. I cannot understand how I decluttered over 10 priority boxes full of crap and yet, we still have tons of decorations. I’m feeling another decor purge coming on when we move.

My husband is currently making terrifying tree shadows on our wall. It is 10 PM and he is over at his plant shelf checking on his “kids.” He was holding up one of the Japanese Maples he is trying to root and it cast a scary looking shadow on the ceiling. A few of his roses that he tried to root did not make it so he took them back outside (most likely to reuse the dirt). He is 110% boy. Dirt, sweat, bugs, or other grotesque things do not bother him. A few days ago I went almost an entire day without a shower. That is as adventurous as I get. Take away my shower and coffee and a documentary could be made on how crazy I go. I can see it on my tombstone now “she went out decaffeinated & greasy.”

I Found The Meep & The Purge

There has been this loud “meep meep” sound that has been terrorizing my husband and I for months now. After quite some time, we realized it was coming from the attic. Despite doing some major investigating, we could not locate it. The sound reminded me of a loud alarm beep. The sound was sporadic and would happen when you least expected it. Let me tell you, the struggle is real.

Today, I finally found the meep meep. We were taking boxes down from the attic and my husband stated that he thought the sound was in the heavy box labeled “TV.” Sure enough, later the box started randomly meeping. My husband, of course, was snoozing on the couch when it hit me. I COULD NOT TAKE ONE MORE MEEP. I ripped the tape off the box and grabbed the first guilty looking culprit. It turns out, the meep was coming from our Nest smoke detector. There of course was no OFF switch. I resolved the situation by running out to the car (at night) and chucking it into the back seat. I once did this with a Furby after being unable to get it to stop mumbo jumboing. Who knew the car could resolve so many issues. Case Closed.

Charlie does not like when I pack or clean. He wants items to stay on the floor and as dirty as possible.

Before all of this excitement took place, we unloaded many boxes from the attic. I had NO IDEA I saved so much sparkly senseless shit from the past. I’m now questioning whether or not I had a complete mental break from reality. I’m going to blame it on my Youtube shopping haul video obsession. I used to love to watch people show what they have purchased on Youtube. (OK…I still sometimes watch those videos…). I became completely inspired to buy items & discuss them on my channel. Here is a life lesson for you: Don’t do what other people are doing. It never turns out the same. Years later, my broke ass is un stuffing sparkly items from a cave. Learn from my mistakes.

So what did I do with all of these things you may be wondering? Just check the above picture. I became empowered this morning and taped together a lot of the priority USPS boxes that I recently over ordered. I wrote “FREE” in different colors across them and filled them with everything from seasonal decor, sparkly things, and items I will never use. Major props to my husband for hauling out those boxes of items he spent money on, to make me happy.

All I can say is that stuff does not make me happy in the way it used too. When I am surrounded with things, I become super anxious, depressed, and unorganized. None of those things help enhance my life. Hopefully though, the people that filled their car with my items will find their lives enhanced by them. I heard a small child ended up with my ceramic car bank. Maybe my purge became part of a fun story to his class about how he acquired a new car that can hold money. I would like to think so.

Since the day is going backwards in this blog, we will end on this morning. I was up early enough to prevent a piece of pizza from becoming my husband’s breakfast. What is it with men and cold pizza? It has become a thing, since COVID-19, that we make breakfast before watching church online. Today, I made scrambled eggs & waffles. Jeremy assisted me with the coffee. Everyone then piled onto our gray couch to watch the Seacoast church service. In case you are wondering about what time the services are online, please click here. They have great music and a relatable message, which I have always appreciated.

Not pictured is our cat Bella, who shortly joined us on top of the couch (or window). And of course me, who is holding my phone & breakfast. I do not wake up looking any sort of camera ready. If anything, my hair appears to have been hit by a category 5 tornado during the night. Therefore, I usually pass on AM Photographs.

Blueberry Waffles With Cinnamon Butter & Cheese Eggs

I feel like surviving today was in and of itself an accomplishment.

Craft Books & Motivation

Today, I got in the mail four craft books that I ordered from Poshmark. I’ve already read a good bit of The Handmade Marketplace tonight. This book is about branding your business and selling items that you have created. The advice can actually be applied to any small start up businesses. The tips on motivation I am definitely going to implement into my reselling business. Until reading The Handmade Marketplace, I had never thought of journaling when & where I got motivation from. It’s an important topic to reflect on because when I lose motivation, it is hard for me to move forward. There are times though when I feel incredibly inspired but yet cannot figure out what to create (or write). If there is a chapter on what to do in this situation, I will let you know.

Motivation is an emotion that comes and goes for me. I wish that on a daily basis I was motivated to do the same things. Or at least similar things so that some how all the work I put into projects could tie together. The reality is though that I give something 150% for a short amount of time. I then burn out or become bored and move on. How I accomplish a damn thing I am not exactly sure. All I can think of is that my desire to do the same thing, at some point, cycles back around. This enables me to continue chipping away at it (whatever that “it” is).

My husband is currently extremely motivated about his roses (and succulents). It is pitch black outside and he just came in (with a flashlight) to tell me that the weather feels amazing. Somehow, I do not feel a sudden urge go outside at 10 PM. There are few things in this world that excite my husband like his plants do. Lately, I have started taking an interest in succulents. Before, I honestly thought they were a bit hideous. It bothered me that they were mainly all green and alien looking. After becoming inspired to potentially sell them though, I became more interested. When you start seeing dollar bills instead of green leaves, your entire perception changes. This may be another momentary obsession that will fizzle out come Friday. I did purchase 3 succulents today from Home Depot. One even has some flowers on it, which I liked.

My husband just reappeared from the darkness to tell me he was out there planting cat grass & cat nip. I’m sure that my cats all share feelings of great appreciation for his nightly ventures. Our cat names Bella thinks she is of high royalty and her owners are mere peasants. She is literally in a cat class of her own. With that being said, she is also a complete stoner. She was defaced yesterday when she discovered catnip drying out in the oven. Had the oven door been open, she would have jumped straight in. When she later obtained the catnip, she inhaled it. Literally. And then went looking for more. Next time, she told me she would like to be served on a silver platter.

Speaking of Bella, I just went back to the bedroom and saw a big lump under the sheets where I sleep. This marshmallowy pudge was Bella in a ball on our queen bed. I’m telling you…she is rotten!

I’m about to watch some anime with my wired as hell husband. Hoping that I can get him to relax. He just got up and ran some frozen sausages over to the neighbor that he said he will never eat. Thankfully, the neighbor was awake and wanted the sausages. Sometimes, you have to laugh.